Transcend
by SloaneKato
Summary: To go higher, to rise above what was expected of someone such as I; that was my goal. To fall in love along the way? Not so much. transgendered Xion / Namine. Minor larxion, akuroku. AU. Trigger Warning.
1. Half Jack

**A/N: Xion may seem a bit out of character in this. This chapter is also rather heavy-part of why Xion may seem a bit out of character in this. Her personality in this story will be very stern and intellectual, at times, but clever and perhaps even silly at others.**

**Just a heads up.  
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* * *

><p>"Hey everyone, this is Xion, my girlfriend."<p>

Except I wasn't her girlfriend; I was never her girlfriend nor anyone else's girlfriend, because I didn't qualify for such a title, such a position, such as to be someone's girlfriend.

"Nice to meet you, Xion," a blond boy with spiky hair said, grinning.

"I was wondering when we'd get to see your face," another boy, this one with long spiky red hair, said as he pinched one of my cheeks.

"Hey, back off my chick, Axel. You've got your own."

"I'm not a girl," the blond said to Larxene, frowning.

Larxene rolled her eyes as she draped her arms around my shoulders, her chin resting on my head. I envied her height. "Whatever, kid," she said. "Xion, the girl in denial is Roxas, and his ginger boyfriend is Axel."

"I'm not ginger! I'm a redhead!"

"Same thing," she said, shoving herself off me. "What've you guys been up to?"

"Luxord scored some vodka and rum," Axel said, stretching. "We waited to see if you were gonna show before we got too shit-faced to move."

"How considerate," Larxene said, holding a hand over her heart. "I'm touched."

Axel raised an eyebrow. "We didn't do it for you," he said. "We wanted to meet your new victim."

"Oh shush. She's not a victim. Right, babe?"

I'm not a she. "Right."

"Whoa, it speaks!"

* * *

><p>I was doing it again; sitting and watching rather than experiencing. I scanned every inch of the poster-covered walls, every follicle of hair on the blonde head in my lap. I had determined the face shape of all the other occupants of the dark room- Axel was square, Roxas was a 'perfect' oval, Larxene was heart, as was Luxord, and Marluxia's face was most likely diamond shaped, though since his hair obscured much of his face from view, it was debatable...<p>

"You don't talk much," Roxas said. The blond boy was the only person other than me who hadn't resolved to get wasted on a Wednesday night.

"No, I don't," I said in response.

"Why not?"

"I don't like my voice."

"Why not? Your voice is pretty."

"It's not right."

"Oh...I can relate to that, I guess."

"You can?"

"Ha, yeah-don't tell anyone, okay?" I nodded. "I'm, ah, transsexual. Female to male, really."

"You are?" I scanned his face over again. He was pretty-he looked maybe fifteen, but I definitely didn't see anything that struck me as female.

"I've been on T for four years now," he said, grinning. "I'm post-op, too."

I blinked. "How old are you?"

"Twenty-two."

I blinked and sputtered. "There's no way! You are _not_ twenty-two."

"Hah, you got me. I'm only twenty."

"Are you shitting me?"

"Nope. I get this a lot, actually-have all my life."

"Yeah, no shit- you look like you're fifteen."

"I still get kids menus at restaurants," he said, grinning. He tucked a strand of blond hair behind his ear. He had pretty hair. I liked blonds. "Have you, er...told Larxene?"

"Told her what?"

"Uh-about your, you know... gender."

"I'm...I'm not-"

"Oh, geez, this is awkward, stupid Roxas, going and assuming things-"

"No, no, I mean... I _am_ a boy, I just... I don't want to tell her."

"She wouldn't really care," Roxas said, shrugging. "She'll do anything that can touch her."

I smiled and ran my fingers through my unconscious girlfriend's hair. "I know. I just don't think I'll stick around long enough for it to matter."

Roxas frowned at that. "Why not?"

I shrugged. "What I have with her...is only temporary. We're graduating this year-she's going off to a college in another state, and I'm staying here."

"There's always long distance."

"Yeah, right-because Larxene would be able to handle that," I said, rolling my eyes. "I'm already over it."

"Over her?"

I shrugged. "I don't think I was ever really _into_ her. She was just kinda there, you know?"

Roxas nodded. "Yeah-I get it. I've had a few relationships like that," he said, stretching. "I dated a lot of really pretty girls before I met Ax and realized I was totally gay for him."

I grinned. "You two are cute together-even if he looks like a pedophile."

"I'm older than him," Roxas said, smirking. "By about 7 months."

"You're full of surprises," I said, shaking my head. "I don't think I've met someone who's blown my mind as many times in the span of an hour as you have."

"Well, you know-life's a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get."

"I hate chocolate."

"You're not normal."

* * *

><p>Roxas was right. I <em>wasn't<em> normal. I was a seventeen year old boy stuck in the body of a seventeen year old female. I was quiet and dull, too hesitant to be who I wanted to be. I envied Larxene and her rambunctious, rowdy ways. I could never be as vulgar and free-spirited as her.

I was private and distant, too afraid to let people see what was inside; too afraid to face it myself. No one could come in, I just wouldn't let them.

* * *

><p>I wasn't surprised when Larxene OD'd, to be honest. I'd always been told that those who lived fast died fast-and Larxene was just another example of that.<p>

I was...shaken, though, all the same-my girlfriend of three months and friend of two years was dead. Of course I was shaken up-and of course I mourned her. I just... felt kind of hollow for a while. It wasn't particularly depressing, I guess, but I did fall into depression.

They say that for some people, it only takes one thing to push them off the edge and into the depths of the ocean-and I guess that Larxene's death was that one thing for me, because I found myself swept away in no time, unable to tell up from down and days from nights.

They put me in therapy after they found me collapsed on my bedroom floor bleeding to death from the large gashes on my breast. The nerve and tissue damage was severe enough that I got what I wanted-they removed a large portion of the breast tissue so that the wound would be under less stress from the weight of what was once a 30DDD. I was now flat-chested, which is how it was supposed to be.

It was a stupid thing to do.

* * *

><p>Roxas came to visit me while I was in the hospital, occasionally dragging Axel along with him. They didn't care that I was in a mental ward, nor that they had only known me for a little over two months as anything other than 'Larxene's pet.' It was nice to be treated as a human being for once, not just that weird kid who never speaks and stares at the wall all day.<p>

Even if that was essentially who I was.

* * *

><p>"This is our last session," my therapist, a man named Vexen who honestly gave me the heebie-jeebies, said. "Are you going to tell me why you did it?"<p>

I drummed my fingers on the arm rest and shrugged. "It was bothering me. I didn't want to deal with them-they didn't belong there anyways."

"What do you mean, 'they didn't belong there anyways'?"

"We've been over this-I'm a boy, not a girl."

"So, just because you feel you are a boy, you feel the need to go to drastic measures in order to make your body less-dare I say-flawed?"

"...well, I guess you can put it that way if you want."

"So you realize that you exhibit symptoms of Bodily Dysmorphic Disorder, which can be treated with cognitive therapy?"

"It's passed my mind a few times, but... is it really the same thing? I know how I feel my body _should_ be, but it isn't actually that way-and I want to make my body mine."

"So you feel that your body is not your own?"

"I feel that my body doesn't match how I feel it should. It's my body, but it's not done changing yet. I'm still growing, if you will."

"I see," he said, nodding. "I'm going to give you the name of a colleague of mine who specializes in cases like your own," Vexen scribbled some indiscernible script onto a paper and handed it to me.

"Yexior Fodniza?"

"Zexion Rodrigo."

"Oh. That makes more sense, I guess," I said, blinking as I shoved the paper into the pocket of my black tennis shorts. "Thanks."

I spent one more night in the mental ward,-the one for kids, because I was only seventeen,-before going home with my mother, who was never really not supportive, but all the same never really showed much support. My brother Vanitas made fun of me as soon as I stepped into the threshold of our more-than-humble abode, calling me a dyke and subsequently earning a blow to the face from my fist.

This was a normal occurrence between us.

* * *

><p>I got along with Zexion well. He was similar to me in that we spent the first three minutes of our 63-minute session simply taking the other in. His hair was slate blue with highlights of lavender and low-lights of deep navy, chopped most likely with a razor to create an intricate mesh of spikes in what would be an otherwise bland hairstyle. Only one eye was exposed, and it was a deep azure, surrounded by eyelashes of many different colours (making his natural hair colour unknown) and skin that despite being pale held a slight yellow tinge to it. He had an oval face shape, with a feminine chin that led to small yet strong shoulders covered in a black shirt with a blue tie, a black suit jacket resting on the back of his chair. He wasn't much taller than me, but his hands and feet were rather large. Judging from the size of his ring finger in correlation with his index, I guessed that the small silver band on said ring finger was from a husband, not a wife.<p>

Analyzing people was always something I'd been good at.

"You received less prenatal testosterone than the average male," I stated simply, breaking our silence.

"How observant of you," he said, smiling slightly. "I suspect that your analysis runs much deeper than that, however I must commend you for your ability to break the ice."

"Thank you."

"So, Xion-may I call you that?- Doctor Vexen has faxed me your records; he says that you suffer from what we in the psychology world used to call Gender Identity Disorder. Do you condone this statement?"

"I suppose."

"Sorry-I'm asking if you feel that you are, in fact, male, not female."

"I know," I said, propping my ankle up on my knee. "I suppose you could call it whatever you'd like, as you can also do with me-I don't really have a say in what terms you use."

"Have you been looking into any other names?"

"Not really."

"Are you content with your current name?"

"Not really."

"It helps if you answer more precisely."

"You aren't asking questions that require me to go into detail."

"Touche," he said, smiling slightly. "It is, however, completely acceptable and even encouraged that you launch into a full-winded explanation of your answers and feelings on the matter."

"Okay. Ask more complicated questions, then."

"If you were to change your name, what would you change it to?"

I frowned. "Xino," I said, shrugging. "Half the time it's what I write anyways."

"Funny, that-misspelling one's own name."

"I'm dyslexic. It happens."

"Do you feel that your learning disability hinders your relationships with people?"

"No, I think it just makes me bad at reading and writing."

Zexion chuckled slightly at that. "How did you fare in school? Did you do well, or did you struggle? What about friendships, or relationships?"

"I dunno-I slept a lot, maintained over a 3.2, and never did my homework," I said, shrugging. "I had a couple friends, and a few relationships—nothing too serious-though after Larxene died I haven't really had any interest in relationships."

"Do you want to talk about her?"

"Not really."

"Okay. Do you stay in touch with any of your old friends from school?"

"Hm, not really. We were never particularly close; the people I consider my friends now are a lot closer."

"Tell me about them."

"Well...they were Larxene's friends. At first they didn't really think of me as anything more than another of her conquests, because to be honest that's really all I was," I said, shaking my head. "But while Rox's boyfriend and Larxene were baked or wasted or otherwise inebriated and lost to the world, we would talk. He's pretty cool- I look up to him."

"Would you say that you envy him?"

"Yeah-a little. He's post-op and been on Testosterone for a while, so I kind of look at him as a role-model, I guess."

"And you said you're closer to these friends than your ones from school?"

"Yeah-they're the ones who were right beside me when we lost her, and Rox is the one who came and visited me when I was in the hospital and the psych ward."

"I see," he said, nodding. He glanced at the clock briefly. "Do you trust them?"

I paused. "Yeah... I guess I do-more than the people I went to school with."

Zexion nodded. "Do you feel that they support you?"

"Yeah-of course. They're my best friends, and Roxas went through all this already-we have something in common and he can sympathize with what I'm going through."

"What do you do in your spare time?"

"That was subtle." I looked at my shoes. "I stare at walls, or I draw-sometimes write, but nothing I care much for."

It went like that for fifteen more minutes, and then time was up. "Is he nice?"

Zexion blinked. "Is who nice?"

"Your husband."

"How did you-"

"Your fingers."

Zexion stared at me briefly, fingers twitching. "He's very nice."

I smiled. "I'm glad for you," I said. "I'll see you next week."

"Yes-I'll see you then as well. Take care."

"You too."


	2. Gravity

I was, essentially, bored out of my mind. In the course of two hours, I had completely covered both arms and legs with permanent black marker from the joint (elbow or knee) to the tips of my extremities. Today I turned eighteen, but I really didn't care, because it was the fourteenth of the month and I was in a state of general apathy as I generally was for two weeks out of the month, thanks to a hormonal imbalance that caused me to suffer more than the average female-bodied individual once or sometimes twice a month.

So, as I generally did whilst slowly becoming more and more iron deficient, I sat in my room in basketball shorts and a t-shirt, drawing swirls and vines and leafs all over myself in a futile attempt to give myself ink poisoning from the non-toxic ink that soaked into my cream-white skin. I had already drained one marker, and I judged that my current sharpie, which I had just capped, was about half filled with ink now.

Content for now, I shoved my shoes onto my feet and wandered out of my room for the first time that day, despite having been awake for the better part of fourteen hours that it had been today. It was a Saturday, today, so I was immediately caught in the act of shoving a piece of bread (a necessity for my health) down my throat.

"Hey, you're up-what do you want to eat for dinner?"

"Been up-and, uh... I don't know. I'm not really in the mood for anything."

"You can't pretend not to be hungry," my mom said, raising one dark brown eyebrow at me.

"I don't know. I'm hungry, but I don't really want food."

"We can get Chinese."

"I'm in."

"I thought so. I'll go tell your father," she said, rolling her eyes and walking away.

My mother and father were still, by some miracle or misfortune, married and living in the same house. I never really understood what my mom had ever seen in my dad-my mom had the sort of body that really didn't make sense and should have stayed in the fictional world, but my dad was pretty, well...

To put it simply, we called him Sasquatch for a reason.

* * *

><p>The problem with being black-Irish and native American is that you get wide cheekbones, dark hair, and slanted eyes. So everywhere you go, there's always some racist douche-bag who <em>insists<em> on making some sort of derogatory remark such as 'chink' or 'squinty-eyes.'

It was even worse when you went into Chinese restaurants and they started speaking to you in Chinese.

Yeah, I really hate my heritage sometimes.

* * *

><p><em>"Hey, Xion! Axel's going to visit his brother, so I've got absolutely nothing to do this week-you wanna hang?"<em>

"Wow, I don't feel like a back-up friend at all," I said, rolling my eyes. "Yeah, sure-what did you have in mind?"

_"Psh, whatever," _he said. _"I was thinking we could go see a movie, have dinner, then maybe take it back to my place to play some video games-you down with that?"_

"Sounds better than giving myself ink poisoning," I said, yawning. "What time do you wanna meet up?"

_"Hm... there's a four o'clock showing of the new horror movie, whatever it was called again, so I'll pick you up in about an hour-sound good?" _

"Yeah, sounds legit. See you when you get here," I said, hanging up after he exchanged the sentiment.

I glanced around my room and picked up a random pair of jeans and a t-shirt that looked for the most part clean and devoid of any cat piss. Satisfied, I pulled them on, frowning at my reflection in the mirror.

My hips are too wide.

* * *

><p>"Hey, Xion," Roxas said, dumping the random junk in his passenger seat onto the floor of his car. "You look like you actually made an effort today-are those clothes <em>clean?<em>"

I shrugged. "I don't know, they smelled okay, so they're clean enough for me."

"Does your mom even do laundry?"

"Hell if I know," I said, instinctively locking the door after I closed it and buckling my seatbelt as Roxas pulled out of the driveway. "If she does, the only thing that gets washed of mine is underwear and the occasional sock."

"That's disgusting," he said, shaking his head. "Really, Xion—-you have the worst sense of hygiene ever."

"Eh. At least I showered."

"Wow. You actually showered for me?"

"Well, it'd been a week, and my mum wasn't about to let me out of the house until I did," I said, flicking at the plastic door arm rest thing and shaking my finger slightly when it began to throb.

"Ugh-with your hair? I don't blame her. I'm surprised you don't have severe pizza face."

"My hair doesn't get greasy very quick," I said, biting at a hang nail. "Besides, I wash my face. I'm not that stupid."

Roxas rolled his eyes and parked the car. "Whatever-we're here," he said, shrugging. "Oh! I forgot to tell you-my half sister wanted to see the movie too, so she's going to meet us in the lobby after we get our tickets."

"Thanks for the heads up, Roxas."

"No problem, Xi," he said, grinning when I shoved his shoulder. He shoved me back and I stumbled slightly before shoving him back and making him run into someone's car, triggering the alarm.

We looked at each other and ran to the building, each of us screaming "MY PANTS, MY PANTS ARE FALLING DOWN!" as we went, holding our pants by the belt loop because neither of us had obtained the skill of buying pants that didn't get twenty-bajillion times bigger after purchasing them.

Assuming the doors where push doors, I slammed into the door and fell with a loud yelp, because those doors? They said pull.

"Oh my god, Xion, you are so skilled," Roxas said, holding his side as he laughed at my pain.

"Bloody door, I swear they were push doors last time..." I grumbled, prying myself off the ground/door and wiping myself off before yanking the door open and letting myself into the air conditioned building that was the local Cinema.

As soon as we got to the lobby (after I almost forgot my ticket at the desk because I am that stupid), a short blond girl started waving frantically while calling out 'Roxas! Roxas, over here!' in a light, musical voice that was only fitting for someone related to Roxas.

Roxas accepted a hug from the girl, who I realized was really tiny-Roxas and I both stood at about 5 foot 6, and were by no means tall, but she had to reach up on her tip-toes to lace her arms around his neck in a hug. Roxas glanced over at me. "Xion, this is my little sister, Namine," he said, gesturing to her. "Nami, this is Xion."

"It's very nice to finally meet you, Xion," Namine said, smiling and holding out a hand. "Roxas has told me a lot about you."

"It's nice to meet you too," I said, grinning. _I didn't even know you existed fifteen minutes ago._ "I hope he didn't tell you anything horrid."

"No, no-of course not," Roxas said, waving his hands. "I made sure to make you out as well as I could-right, Nami?"

"Oh, of course," she said, rolling her eyes and smiling. "Like how you told me Xion was a big hairy cave-man."

"No, no, that's my dad, I assure you."

Roxas raised an eyebrow. "Like father like son," he said, shrugging.

"Suck my dick."

"Nah, Axel gets mad when I do that to other guys."

"Oh my god, you are horrible," I said, covering my face with my hands. "I can't believe you just said that- there's a small child right there!" I pointed at Namine.

"Oh, right-sorry, Nami. I forgot you were too short to hear that kind of language," he said, earning a slap across his cheek.

* * *

><p>Before we left, Namine made sure to type her number into my phone and text herself so she had my number before climbing into a little dark blue Volkswagon beetle.<p>

I immediately punched Roxas in the arm as soon as she drove out of the parking space.

"Ow, shit, Xion, I just got a flu shot there," Roxas said, cussing.

"Who the fuck gets flu shots in September?"

"Fucking public service workers, god," he said, rubbing his arm.

"Yeah, public _service_ workers."

"Oh shut up," he said, scowling at me.

Yeah, that's right. Roxas was a stripper once upon a time. Now he was a Vet Tech, though. Lame.

"Do you even have a job, Xion?"

"Oh, yeah- I work at Payless."

"The shoe store?"

"You bet."

"Hawt."

"I thought so," I said, rolling my eyes. "I mean, there's nothing better than helping people clothe their diseased and fungal feet for minimum wage."

"Oh deff. 'Cept maybe putting needles through people's genitals," Roxas said, snickering.

"Poor firecrotch," I said, snickering as well. "He knew what he was getting into, though."

"Yeah, we told him, didn't we?"

"Larxene had her clit pierced." And her tongue, nipples, and belly button. Her parents were absolutely horrified.

"That doesn't surprise me at all," Roxas said, chewing his lip. He didn't like it when I talked about Larxene. "Namine got her belly button pierced a few months ago."

"She seems like the type," I said, shrugging despite the fact that Roxas' eyes were focused on the road.

"Yeah- I guess she does, doesn't she?" Roxas laughed slightly. "I think you two would get along well."

"Oh my god, you're trying to set me up with your sister."

"Wha- Xion, please. She's your type."

"You don't know that."

"Like hell I don't- blonde hair, blue eyes. The artist type."

"She's too innocent, Roxas. You've seen the kind of people I've dated," I said, drumming my fingers on the armrest of his car.

"Yeah- and I've also seen how the only reason you like them is because you wish you _were_ them," Roxas said, driving with his knees so he could open the bottle of water and chug half of it. Roxas had some major driving-while-chugging skills- it worried me slightly. "Just...give it a shot, alright? If it doesn't work out, no big deal."

"Does she know you're trying to set me up with her?"

"Pffft- no. Why would I tell her that? She'd kill me."

I shook my head, smiling. "You're the weirdest older brother in existence. You're supposed to discourage boys from chasing after your sister, not set her up with them."

"Yeah, whatever. You love me," he said, shoving me against the door.

"Hey! Both hands on the wheel, mister!" I shouted, earning a full-fledged laugh out of the blond. "Oh, yeah-where are you taking me? We passed your house like, twenty minutes ago," I said, raising an eyebrow.

"We're going to ransack my old man's restaurant," he said, glancing over at me. "I hope you don't have any problems with being swarmed by old women who don't know you're not actually a part of their family."

"God, Roxas- why are you taking me to your family reunion? You're a horrible person."

"Because it's free food and I have to go," he said, scowling. "And since Axel's not here to watch suffer, you're going to have to make due."

"Jesus Christ. I hate you."

* * *

><p>I don't like old people. I tolerate old women, but men over the age of forty tend to give me the creeps.<p>

And so Roxas' dragging me to his family reunion was probably some sick, twisted and unreasonable form of torture, a preemptive attack just in case I did wind up courting his beloved little sister. Even though _he_ was the one who wanted me to.

"Hey, Rox- why isn't Namine here if it's your family reunion?" I asked, when I realized that she wasn't there.

"It's my dad's side- Nami is my half sister, remember?"

Oh yeah. Not that you could tell-both were blond with blue eyes, after all. Though, admittedly, Namine's hair was more platinum than Roxas' golden flax, and her eyes were more of a purple colour than his pure sky blue. It struck me as slightly weird until I saw that Roxas' dad was the complete duplicate of Roxas, except taller and slightly older looking.

"Are you sure you're not brothers?"

"Yes, Xion-as sure as I am that Axel's a natural redhead."

"Ew...Roxas... I really didn't want to know that."

He shrugged, shoveling a forkful of god-knows-what green substance into his mouth. I mimicked him, figuring out that it was just standard greens, like the kind that my southern neighbors shoved down my throat on occasion when they were able to capture me.

I liked those neighbors.

Aside from people who married into the family, I was the only person at Roxas' family reunion with hair that wasn't blond.

At least I had the blue eyes down.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:**** Andddd now it's going somewhere. Thanks for reading. :D**


	3. Good Day

I let out a sigh as I leaned against the counter, thoroughly bored with my life because half the time this stupid shoe store was completely devoid of customers, so I had no choice but to stand there and stare at rows and rows of tacky-looking shoes.

I jumped as the door rang, signalling the entry of a prospective customer, but when I looked I saw no one. "Welcome to Payless, can I help you?" I stated nonetheless, feeling mildly stupid.

"Xion?"

I blinked as the short blond rounded the corner. "Oh, hi Namine. I thought for sure the store had suddenly become haunted-but it's just a blond midget."

"Oh, thanks," she said, scowling. "I thought you were supposed to be nice to your clientele."

"You make it sound like I'm a prostitute," I muttered. "Anyways, do you need any help finding shoes?"

"No, I'm looking to steal your job, actually."

I whistled. "You're in luck-we're hiring. You're over seventeen, right?"

"I'm nineteen."

"Well, I'm pretty sure that's over seventeen," I said, handing her a clipboard with a pen. "But I never was the best at counting."

"Obviously," she said, rolling her eyes as she took the clipboard. "So what've you been up to?"

"Oh, you know- the usual. Selling my body to strange people in broad daylight and playing Hamtaro games."

"Hamtaro is adorable," she said, grinning. "I used to play those games all the time."

"I still do," I said, rubbing my neck. "I'm kind of a pro by now."

"I bet," she said, giggling. "The boss battle at the end of Ham-Ham Heart Break is such a pain," she said as she filled out her work experience. "I always made Roxas beat it for me. Can I put you as a reference?"

"Yeah, sure-but it'll cost ya."

"You're worse than Roxas," she said, rolling her eyes. "Name your price."

"Sea-salt ice cream."

"I don't know how you guys can eat that," she said, grimacing. "But fine-when do you get off work?"

"Half an hour," I said. "I don't know how anyone could live without it."

Namine made a face and signed the application before handing it to me. "If it's okay with you, I'll probably just hang around here then."

"'s fine with me," I said, shrugging. "They never care when Roxas does it."

With that, Namine leaned against the counter with me for thirty minutes until my replacement came and I clocked out.

* * *

><p>Namine's car smelled good. It was practically the opposite of her brothers, which on occasion smelled like sex and fast food. Namine's little blue VW bug smelled like vanilla-but not in an obnoxious overly sweet perfume-y way. No, the scent was more like she had at one point had a vanilla air-freshener that had long since faded away.<p>

"Doesn't this count as bribery?" I asked, as she handed me one sea salt ice-cream Popsicle thing.

"I don't know-nor do I care," she said, licking at her normal and not-Popsicle-shaped vanilla ice-cream.

"If anyone asks, we're secret lovers and this is how we show our love for each other," I said, grinning at the confused look that took over her face and shoving my ice cream in her mouth.

She took a bite, giggling, and shook her head. "I feel like they'd probably accuse you of domestic abuse," she said. "That was a rather violent show of affection."

I pouted, which consists of me making possibly the ugliest face I was capable of, much to her amusement.

"If you keep doing that, your face is going to get stuck like that," she said, giggling.

"It already is," I said, with some difficulty- it wasn't very easy to maintain such a horrid face whilst speaking.

"Your ice cream is going to drip."

I blinked and licked the blue godliness off where it had streamed down the side of my hand and taking a bite of the frozen treat.

* * *

><p>"Hey, Xion?"<p>

"Yeah?" I said, popping my head back in the car.

"Can I consider that a date?"

"No," I said, wincing as her face fell. "But only because I didn't pay."

"Oh...okay," she said, hesitantly. "Um...well, see you around, I guess."

I frowned. "How about we get lunch sometime?"

"Like a date?"

"Like a date."

Namine smiled. "Sure," she said. "Sounds good-when are you free?"

"Like always? I only work on weekends and nights," I said, shrugging.

"Okay-how about Monday then?"

"Yeah, sure-where do you want to go?"

"I don't know-I'll pick you up and we can decide then."

"Sounds like a plan- I'll see you then, I guess."

"Yep," she said, smiling. "See you then."

* * *

><p>I woke up sometime around eleven thirty, cursing my phone-it was supposed to wake me up at sometime around nine, but the bloody thing never got it right-and took a five minute shower, slipping into some (hopefully) clean clothing and brushing my teeth.<p>

Namine picked me up at noon-my hair was still wet and I was pretty sure these weren't my shoes, but other than that I think I was dressed decently enough-and we went to the local Steak and Shake, because both of us felt the need to consume half a day's worth of calories in one sitting and clog our arteries.

Yeah, we're cool.

We wound up getting the same exact thing- chicken tenders with barbeque sauce and an Orange Freeze- and I gave her a high-five for being equally awesome as I was.

Then my phone went off, and I sputtered some gibberish that I'm sure sounded like I was speaking tongues and pulled the vibrating piece of crap technology out of my pocket and rejected the call. "Sorry," I said, scowling at my pocket as it resumed it's buzzing three seconds later. I hit reject again and held the power button down.

"No worries," she said, smiling. Five seconds later, her phone went off, and she scowled. "Do you mind if I take this? It's Roxas..."

"Go ahead," I said, shrugging.

Namine picked up the phone with a small 'hello?' and proceeded to turn bright red and hang up.

"Um...are you okay?"

"Roxas and Axel are three booths down," she said, shaking her head. "Roxas was being crude."

I blinked and looked over the divider, seeing Axel and Roxas peering over it as well and stuck my tongue out at the two of them before sitting back down. "Well, this is awkward," I said, rubbing the back of my neck.

Naturally, Axel decided he had to saunter over and pester us; as was his nature. "Aw, look at the two little midgets," he cooed, scuffing up our hair.

"Axel, leave them alone," Roxas said, rolling his eyes as he shoved the redhead towards the register.

"I'm really sorry about that," I said, once they left.

"I'm sorry, too."

* * *

><p>After we ate and I paid the bill, Namine took me back to the flat she shared with Axel's sister, Kairi, (who was practically a red-haired version of Namine, except not; Kairi's face was slightly thinner, her eyes much darker, and her skin had that same slight tan to it that Axel's did, despite all logic) to show me some of her artwork, because I'd said I'd like to see them-and I genuinely did; I loved art, I just really sucked at it, personally,-so she agreed to take me there.<p>

What she didn't tell me is that she and Kairi drew (wrote?) comics together. Erotica, to be exact.

I'm pretty sure my face was bright red when I figured that one out. So much for my 'she's too innocent' argument.

Aside from the erotica, Namine did portraits, landscapes, and abstract too. And she was brilliant at it,-I don't think I've ever seen such beautiful works before.

We sat in her room and talked for a while, and occasionally heard Kairi shriek or something loud and heavy sounding fall, but we stopped paying her any mind after we figured out that she was attempting to make food; a futile attempt when the sink was full of pots and pans, which she was forced to clean first.

* * *

><p><em>"So, you decided to take my advice?"<em>

"Yeah, I guess-she's an amazing artist," I said, studying my shoes as I picked at the grass of my backyard.

_"I told you she was your type, didn't I?"_

"You're such a failure of a brother," I said, shaking my head despite the fact that he couldn't see me.

_"I don't know-is it still bad brother-ing if I set her up with someone I know to be a decent person?"_

"Aw, you think I'm a decent person?"

_"No, not at all,"_ he said. I could tell he was rolling his eyes. _"Clearly you're a serial killer out to kill us all-nobody, back off, hey, no-"_

_ "You think you can do me a favor and become a hit man instead?" _Axel's voice asked.

"I don't know; how much are you going to pay me?"

_"One million dollars,"_ he said, in a perfect impression of Dr. Evil.

_"It's over nine thousand!" _Roxas shouted from the background.

_"I'mma firin' mah lazer!" _

"Shoop Da Whoop!" I supplied.

_"I love you guys," _Roxas said, laughing. _"This is why you're allowed to date my sister, Xion."_

"That's a pretty crappy reason to give your sister over," I said, snorting.

_"Yeah, Rox-you don't want that to impregnate the midget, do you?"_

_"I don't think we have to worry about that," _Roxas said. _"Besides, if it could and did happen-don't you think they'd wind up with a giant?"_

_"Probably-it _is _them, after all."_

"You guys are dorks," I said, shaking my head. "I don't know why I talk to you anymore."

_"Pshh, whatever-you love us," _Axel said. _"After all, without us, who would you eat ice cream with?"_

"Uh... someone else?"

Axel and Roxas gasped in horror, both uttering "_how could you?" _in mock-offended voices.

"Whatever, I have to go-mum's gonna be home soon," I said, getting up and wiping the grass off my pants.

_"Run, Xion, run! Tifa's gonna kill you!"_ They shrieked, having seen my mother after she got home from work before and knowing that it was not a pretty sight to witness.

"Ha, I don't think I'd get very far," I said, walking through the fence and being mobbed by our cockier-spaniel, who I affectionately nicknamed 'Dumpty' because she was short and had the unfortunate condition that many of her breed were afflicted with that made her blind, and therefore slightly more klutzy than any dog that ever lived. Humpty-Dumpty, you know?

I think her name was Duchess or something, but no one actually called her by her name...

So she was Dumpty. And she was currently peeing on the sidewalk from the sheer excitement of it all, because it had been a whole five minutes since she'd seen me, and I was therefore a whole new person.

_"True, haha,-well I guess I'll let you go then," _Roxas said.

"Yeah-see you later," I said, hanging up and climbing my porch steps, wondering why the hell I hadn't worn shoes, or at the very least socks, and walking into the house, petting the cat in an obnoxious way that shouldn't be considered petting, and threw a frozen block of hamburger into the microwave so it looked like I had been doing something, not lazing around all day-which, I admittedly, had, because it was Tuesday and I'd be damned if I was doing something productive on my day off. Not that I didn't have tomorrow off, but still-I was still recovering from working until ten last night.

"Oh, hello, honey," my mom said, walking in to see me scrubbing madly at the frying pan. "What are you making?"

I shrugged. "Something with hamburger-probably hamburgers, since we've got buns..."

She grimaced.

"Well-what do you want, then?" I asked, eyebrow raised.

"I'm kind of in the mood for sloppy joes," she said, which translates to 'Xion, why don't you bullshit some sloppy joes since I didn't buy any sauce?'

"Alright...I'll see what I can do," I said, rinsing the pan until it was devoid of soap and tossing it on the stove. I threw open the pantry door and grabbed tomato products and brown sugar. It was almost ironic how I always wound up cooking dinner-or making food of some sort- even though I hated pretty much everything I made.

My life was just kind of meaningless that way, I guess.


	4. Pretty In Pink

The air was starting to get crisp. It was October, and the Michigan trees were shedding their leaves, causing any sneak attacks to be forgone, as not even the sneakiest ninja could travel upon the leaves without making massive amounts of noise and being attacked by the leaf stems right and left.

I, of course, had no reason to sneak up on anyone, as I strolled through the park idly, as it was Wednesday and my day had so far proven meaningless, as I'd met with Zexion for our bi-monthly appointment yesterday, rather than today, because he had some weird conference or something to go to.

Either way, I was still walking aimlessly around, half expecting to be mugged or shot because frankly my neighborhood wasn't the best, and I'm pretty sure those teenagers on the playground are higher than the sky, because one of them fell off the slide a few minutes ago and they're still laughing about it, the one still on the equipment guffawing something awful and the other, a girl with brown hair, giggling.

I'm immediately reminded of that time Larxene and Axel dropped acid and Roxas and I spent the entire night coming up behind them and slapping them on the backs, so we could watch them flip out and start attacking the wall.

"You look sad," a voice said, making me jump and breaking my train of thought.

I looked over, and low and behold, there sat one Namine Sarto. "Uh..hey, Namine- what're you doing here?"

She held up her sketchbook in response, smiling and setting it back in her lap, patting the spot next to her on the bench. I obeyed, sitting next to her and peering over her shoulder at what she was drawing, only to find that it was completely unrelated to her surroundings, in fact it was a portrait of a boy in the desert, crying into the sand, his face the mountain and his hair the sky; a long white and flowing mane of hair that looked oddly familiar. "What's on your mind, Xion?"

"Ah-it's nothing, really," I said, smiling. "I like his eyes."

Namine looked up at me questioningly. "Whose eyes?"

I blinked. "The boys? In your drawing-sorry, the mountains? Either way, they're really pretty," I said, now feeling stupid for having saying anything.

"Oh- I didn't notice I was... funny; I swore I'd been drawing the landscape of Utah a second ago," she said, shaking her head. "Sometimes when I draw, I wind up drawing whatever I dreamt about the night before."

"That's really cool," I said, grinning. "Usually when I draw, the world implodes and shit gets serious."

"I'm sure you're not _that_ bad," she said, giggling. "I really wish this wouldn't happen though; it really ruins my inspiration to draw what I'd set out to draw..."

"It's still cool, though- because it's almost like the mountain is a man, and you can see that he's sad-like he lost something important," I said, smiling. "Perhaps he symbolizes the earth, and he's mourning for what has become of him."

Namine frowned around the pencil at her mouth; contemplating what I'd just said. "I think...he wasn't always a mountain- I think he used to be a boy," she said. "And I think he was in love with another boy, but that boy died- and so he... died, too."

"That's...deep. Almost Shakespearean."

She giggled. "It is, isn't it?" She smiled up at me. "I think he lost salvation, don't you? His sky fell that day... so he tried to cover it up."

"...yeah," I said, frowning. "He seems familiar, but... I don't know- maybe I've had a dream about him too."

"Maybe- this isn't the first time he's been in my landscapes."

I bit my lip. "Maybe he's trying to find someone to tell his story," I said, drumming my fingers on my leg. "And you're the only one who can do it."

"Kairi's a writer-why doesn't he make her?"

"Somethings can't be expressed by words-words are lost in translation and jumbled; by the time she received it, the meaning of his life could be completely different."

Namine hummed as she considered it. "That's true, I guess-a picture speaks a thousand words, right?"

"Yeah," I said, looking back at the kids laughing on the playground. "And actions speak a thousand more."

* * *

><p>"Do you know them?"<p>

I shook my head. "No, I don't."

"They're Roxas' old friends," she said, humming lightly in thought as she scratched at the paper with her pencil. "Olette and Pence. There was another one-but he's gone to a different city for college."

"Ah, I see," I said, twiddling my thumbs.

"Looking at them makes you sad- what does their laughter mean to you?"

I frowned. "Did Roxas ever tell you about Larxene?"

"...no, but I know about her," she said, shaking her head. "I dreamed about her, too-the day it happened."

"I was there when she died," I said, sighing. "And we all felt like it was our fault, because we should have stopped her, but we didn't-because she did it all the time."

"Did you love her?"

"...no," I said, shaking my head. "I envied her, mostly. What we had was mostly sexual- I don't think either of us felt anything romantic towards the other."

"I see," she said, nodding. "Larxene was my first girlfriend," she shook her head. "We were young-thirteen, to be exact,-and thought it would last forever."

"Obviously that didn't work out so well," I said. "Did _you_ love her?"

"Not really," she said, shrugging. "I broke up with her for Axel, but she'd been cheating on me anyways."

"Seriously?"

She smiled. "Yeah, then four months later he met Roxas," she closed her sketchbook, setting it on the other side of her and twining her fingers together. "At that time, Roxas was still pre-transition, so it really bothered me- Roxas used to look just like me, so it was like having been dumped for a twin."

"Ouch."

"It turns out they'd been friends for a while-they were in a couple classes together, after all-and Axel knew Roxas for a guy before the rest of us. So...when he told me he was gay for Roxas, I was really confused," she said, grinning. "But then it was okay again, because I got with his sister."

"So you and Kairi?"

"Yeah-for a month," she said. "Then Kairi met Yuffie."

"Geez."

"I think sometimes that I was put on this earth to help people find their loves," she said, frowning. "Everyone I've ever been with found love in another."

"That's depressing," I said, frowning. "Love is overrated anyways when you're young, isn't it?"

She glanced at me. "Love is too mainstream," she said.

"I don't love people. I _lurve _ them," I said raising an eyebrow.

"I was hoping you'd say that," she said, smiling brightly.

"Yeah, well-that's kind of how I roll."

"I hear you also roll down flights of stairs," she said, raising one blond eyebrow.

"You hear correctly," I said, grinning. "But only on Fridays."

* * *

><p>I'm not going to lie- I liked Namine. She was my type. Roxas was right.<p>

But I didn't know that just because she was my type that we'd be compatible. I didn't know if _I_ was her type-if she even had one. And to be honest, I was a bit curious as to what would happen if I spent time with her, if I was with her. Would I become like everyone else she'd been with, and leave her for someone else?

I didn't like the idea of using her to get someone else. It went against my moral code-just like cheating, stealing, and beating on innocent women. I just didn't do that sort of thing, ever. I'll admit that I used people on occasion- but they generally _knew_ they were being used,- but I didn't use them simply to use them. I used them, but I let them use me too- so really, it was more of a trade.

And now I sound like a whore.

Okay- I'm just going to stop explaining things to myself. I really need to-

"Xion! Wake up!"

_Fuck._ I sputtered and jumped off my futon, pulling on some pants and yelling "I'm up!" through the door. I ran around my room in circles, hitting my head on the ceiling fan and yelping, before managing to find a semi-decent looking t-shirt and yanking it over my head, simultaneously shoving my feet into my tennis shoes, glad that I'd managed to retain my socks through the night.

After dunking my head under the spray of the tub's faucet, drying it, and running some leave-in conditioner through my shaggy black hair, I ran (and consequently tumbled) down the stairs and crashed through the house and out the door-

Only to realize that I had neglected to put on a coat, and it was freezing balls outside. However, as soon as I realized this, Roxas' black Toyota pulled into my driveway. I scampered over to the car and opened the door, to be pulled in by a pair of arms and sent sprawling onto the laps of four people in his back seat.

"Well, hello, there," I said, grinning up at Namine, who was the person whose lap my head had wound up in.

"Good morning," she said, smiling down at me. "How are you?"

"Well-it's Friday," I said, grinning.

"That means he went for a trip down the stairs on his ass," Axel supplied from the passengers seat.

"Yeah, she knows," I said, rolling my eyes. "So, do you know where they're taking us?"

"I don't," she said, frowning. "They showed up and dragged me out of bed this morning."

"Yeah-me and Yuffie too."

"Oh, hey, Kairi," I said, waving to the redhead who was under my knees.

"Yeah, we were just getting into it, too," a black haired girl said, pouting.

"Oh my god- you two interfered with two girls getting it on?" I asked, mock-horrified expression on my face.

"It's my duty as a brother," Axel said.

I squirmed as I felt hands going up my shirt and smacked at them. It probably wouldn't bother me if I had any idea who was currently attempting to molest my stomach, but as it stood, I couldn't see who it was.

"Hey! Quit molesting the tranny!" Axel said, smacking my attacker's hands away.

"Ah, sorry- it's just so smooth," a male voice said. "I can't not touch it."

"You're such a creep-why did we bring you?"

"Because you love me," he replied. His hands didn't leave my stomach.

"Because his husband is away on some sort of trip and you felt sorry for him," Roxas answered, completely negating any response Axel was about to spew.

"Ew, there's a married man touching my stomach," I said, scrunching up my nose.

"Do you need an adult?" Roxas asked.

"I feel violated. I need an adult. I NEED AN ADULT!"

"You know you're laying on four adults, right?"

"Shut up, Axel."

"Shut up, Xion."

"I will shank you with a tree."

"Oh dayum," the black-haired girl said. "Shit just got serious, guys."

"Damn straight it did," I said, grinning.

"Hey...guys? Does anyone know where we're going?"

"Oh my god, Roxas-you're driving! Shouldn't you know where you're going?" Kairi asked, giggling.

"Turn left here," Axel said. "And then it's right there."

And where is it they were taking us, you ask?

A Chinese all-you-can-eat buffet.

* * *

><p>After eating two plates of everything meal-based, and two of each kind of desert, plus a bowl of soft serve, I might as well have been given caffeine injections, because I was starting to wig out.<p>

"OMNOMNOM!" I said, attacking the side of Namine's face when I came back to the table from grabbing yet another plate of food.

She squeaked and jumped slightly, before turning bright red. "Don't do that," she said, giggling all the same.

"Don't do that~!" Axel said, flapping his hand as he used the other to cover his face. Roxas smacked him upside the head, shaking his head. "Aw— Rox, I was just messin' with them."

"I know," he said. "But only _I'm_ allowed to pick on my sister."

* * *

><p>"NO! YOU'RE THE POOP FACE!" Yuffie shrieked, pointing at the man who'd been carressing my stomach in the car-Demyx, I think, was his name.<p>

"Nuh-uh!" he responded. "You are! How can you not love Jigglypuff?"

I'm pretty sure everyone in the restaurant face-palmed then, but I could be wrong-after all, my eyes were covered by my palm.

* * *

><p>"So, how long is Zex away for?"<p>

"Until next week," Demyx said, frowning.

"Fuck my life-we have to deal with you for a whole week?"

"Well you don't have to put it that way, jerk," the blond man said, pouting.

"Hey, wait-you're Zexion's husband?"

"You know Zexion?" Axel asked, brow furrowing.

"Zexion Rodrigo, right?"

"Yeah-how do you know him?"

"He's my therapist," I said, grinning.

"Huh. Small world," Axel said, shrugging. "Anyways, Xion, get the fuck out."

"Aye-Aye, Cap'n!" I said, saluting him and jumping out of the car, waving as I ran to the gate at the back of my house.


	5. Night Reconnaissance

I went to the park frequently. At least once a week.

Apparently so did Namine.

"Hey- what are you doing here?"

She held up her sketch pad in response, just as she had last time. "I come here to draw. It's peaceful."

"Really? I used to come here to meditate," I said, grinning. "Back when I did, anyways."

"I know," she said, leaning away slightly when I tried to look at the drawing. "You can't look yet. It's not finished."

"You let me look last time," I said, pouting.

"Last time was... less personal."

"Oh." I pulled my knees up to my chest, picking at my shoe laces. "What are you drawing?"

Namine frowned and ignored me.

"Okay," I said, sighing. I let my head fall onto my knees.

* * *

><p>"Xion..."<p>

My head shot up. Had I just- yep, I'd just fallen asleep. On a park bench. Good job, Xion. "Yeah?"

"How did you... know you were..."

"Trans?"

Namine nodded.

"Well..."

* * *

><p><em>There was something wrong with this picture. There was something there that shouldn't have been. There was something incredibly wrong with me. <em>

_ I couldn't tell anyone._

_ Thinking fast, I grabbed the ace bandage that we kept for when someone sprained their wrist and wrapped it around my chest. _

_ "No one will notice. It's okay- they'll go away. Don't worry. You probably just slept funny or something," I reasoned. Taking a deep breath, I pulled my shirt over my head and exited the bathroom._

_ .owo owo owo owo owo owo owo owo owo owo owo owo owo owo owo._

_ "Hey, Xion, listen- I think you're really pretty," he said, smiling. "Do you... do you wanna go on a date sometime? And be boyfriend and girlfriend?"_

_ I stared at him. "I'm not..." I bit my lip. _Xion, your mother told you she didn't want another son. You want her to be happy, don't you? _I smiled at him. "Sure, Tidus. I'd love to," I said._

_ Tidus grinned and swooped in for a kiss._

_ It felt wrong. _

_ . owo owo owo owo owo owo owo owo owo owo owo owo owo owo owo ._

_ "Hey, Xion- you're a lesbian, right?"_

_ "Um... sure."_

_ "Cool- 'cause I want in your pants," Larxene said, grinning her trademark grin. _

_ "Um... okay."_

_ . owo owo owo owo owo owo owo owo owo owo owo owo owo owo owo ._

_ I didn't particularly like the things Larxene did to me the first time we did it. It just felt awkward and kind of wrong._

_ From then on, I became the giver rather than the receiver. I didn't mind it so much- except when she touched my chest. Sometimes I was lucky enough that I was able to keep on my binder._

_ . owo owo owo owo owo owo owo owo owo owo owo owo owo owo owo ._

* * *

><p>"It's kind of difficult to explain," I said, frowning.<p>

"Would you say you... always were?"

"Sort of."

"Sort of?"

"I didn't really care until I hit puberty."

"Oh-that makes sense, I guess," she said, frowning at her drawing. "Sometimes, I think that Larxene might have been... less than female."

"Yeah... she told me she was intersex."

"Her parents chose for her," Namine said. "Her parents chose a lot of things for her, but they always seemed to choose the wrong ones."

"They were going to force her into being an elementary school teacher."

"She wanted to do piercings."

"She pierced my tongue when we were sixteen," I said, sticking my tongue out and pointing at the little metal ball.

"For her own personal gain, I assume," Namine said, smiling slightly.

"Probably- but I like it too," I said, grinning. "It was a good investment."

Namine smiled, shaking her head.

* * *

><p>I was bored. It was your average Thursday night, and I was completely, undeniably, and stupidly bored. It was the kind of bored that made me envision doing weird and stupid things that would generally result in me injuring myself.<p>

So, because I am an intelligent eighteen year old, I, like many others, acted upon my vision.

I closed my bedroom door, turned the TV onto a music station, and dragged my two nightstands about a foot from the wall. I climbed on them, noting how they wobbled precariously, and knew that this would end badly. Still set on enacting my vision, I transferred my weight onto my hands and climbed up the wall with my feet, kicking off-

And falling backwards into the aforementioned wall, banging my arms on the stuccoed yellow surface, hitting my left shin on the sharp corner of one end-table, and piercing the back of my right thigh which landed straight up on the other table's corner.

Oh, and it gets worse- while I was tangled up on the floor, flailing wildly because I was stuck between the wall and tables with one leg in the air, my right foot muscles started contracting. The spontaneous muscular spasm managed to pop a few of my hyper-flexible extremities out of their sockets.

Yes, I absolutely love being 'double-jointed.'

* * *

><p>"How can you sit like that?"<p>

"Sit like what?" I asked, frowning up at my mother from where I hung upside down off the back of my futon to look at her, my old-school Gameboy Advance blasting Pokemon music.

"Wouldn't it be more comfortable to sit on the actual futon?"

I stared at her.

"Anyways- I came in here to ask you if you wanted to go to the mall with me," she said, crossing her arms over her chest. "I'll buy you something."

I narrowed my eyes. "I'm game," I said, pushing my legs off the futon and flipping over the back. "When are we leaving?"

"About half an hour," she said. "Try and find something clean."

"Aye, aye, Cap'n."

"You aren't cute, kid."

* * *

><p>When my mother offers to purchase something for me from the mall, it tends to mean that this kid right here gets to have another piercing from the under-trained clerks at the little floating island store thing.<p>

Yeah, I'm cool.

"So what do you want?"

"I'm thinking..." I pinched the Helix of my ear. "Here?"

Mom rolled her eyes at me. "Sure, just don't complain about it hurting."

"Have I ever?"

She narrowed her eyes at me, because no, I hadn't. I had the pain tolerance of a bamf and took jabs with sharp objects like Chuck Norris kicks ass.

Which is why I was walking around the mall with my mother with 3 toes flopping around in my shoes because they refused to go back into place and stay the fuck there, after my mom took me to get a bajillion shots (she neglected to include that part of her plan when she asked me to go with her) and about to get a piercing that would hurt for a good three months or so.

* * *

><p>"Xion- Why don't you just make Axel pierce you up?" Roxas asked, inspecting my new piercing with a frown.<p>

"Because Xion hates me," Axel said, pouting from his seat on my nightstand (the very same one that I injured myself on) with his knees pulled to his chest.

I stuck my tongue out at him. "Because I enjoy filling him with spite and angst every-time it doesn't give me cauliflower ear or infections."

Axel scowled. "You're just lucky you went to a good peircer for that tongue of yours, kid-"

"Larxene did it when we were sixteen."

Axel's pout deepened.

Roxas sighed, falling backwards onto the cushion part of my futon. "All you two ever do is bicker. I swear- you two are like an old married couple."

"You're the one fucking him, Rox."

"Shut up, Xion."

"Xion has a point," Axel said, raising an eyebrow.

"Oh, so now you side with him," Roxas said, rolling his eyes as he heaved himself back up to the frame.

Or, he tried to, anyways- in reality he sat there and flailed for a good two minutes before I pulled him up. I'm so nice.

"So, when are you going to let me pierce your face?"Axel asked.

"Meh. When hell freezes over- so in a couple months," I said, shrugging.

"Not if global warming has anything to do with it," Roxas said.

"Bitch please," I said, shoving him. "Hell _will_ freeze over in a couple months. It's a given that it will at least once a year- even if it's seventy degrees the next day."

"Ah, Michigan- such a lovely, lovely place."

* * *

><p>"So... how are things going with Namine?"<p>

I blinked. "Uh... good, I guess? It's not like we're... a couple, per say."

Roxas frowned.

"We enjoy the other's company, and hang out sometimes, and we flirt and go on the occasional date. What more do you want from me?"

"Don't just have a fling with my sister!"

"I'll do what I want with your-I take that back, I'll do what I agree with your sister about with your sister!"

"Don't talk about my sister that way!"

"What are you talking about, Roxas?" I asked, throwing my arms up. "All I said was that I would get consent before doing things with your sister!"

"My sister is not some little slut!"

"I never said that!"

"Um... I'm right here, you know," Namine said, from where she sat on Roxas' kitchen counter, drawing as she usually did.

"Oh, right... C'mon, Roxas, let's go fight about my courting your sister in front of Axel," I said, pulling the blond boy out into the living room with me.

"You're not even courting her!"

"I don't need to!"

"Do you even open doors for her?"

"We never go places with doors!"

"Where the hell are you going, then?"

"We meet up at the park!"

"Well do you at least walk her home at night?"

"She drives home!"

"What are you guys fighting about?"

"They're bickering about me," Namine called from the kitchen.

"Oh my god, you two," Axel said, shaking his head which was covered by his hands. "Xion, don't make dirty comments about Roxas' sister when I'm not there," he said, and shifted his gaze to Roxas. "And Roxas, quit trying to be over protective of your sister. She's a grown up."

"She's too short for Xion's sailor mouth!"

"Roxas," Namine said, walking into the room. "I'm flattered that you're trying to protect me, really- but my height has nothing to do with my ability to cope with vulgar language."

"Yeah- I mean she writes porn for a living, Rox. I don't think you need to worry about Xion ruining her innocence."

"It's not porn!" Roxas and Namine shouted.

"Okay, okay- she draws erotic comic books with mildly romantic subplots for a living, god," he said, scowling.

"And you pierce genitalia!"

"Shut up, Xion," Axel said, scowling further. "Or so help me god, I will pierce _your_ genitalia."

"Right here?"

"Right the fuck here."

"For free?"

"For fucking- _dammit, no_."

I grinned.

"I hate you. Stupid little-nehhhhh," he said, pouting and turning away from us.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I always felt like Axel and Xion never really got along that well in the games. xD**

RikuObsession: I'm also going to respond to your last two reviews from flibbertigibbet on here since you don't have an account D:  
>Writing Riku is generally pretty easy for me. I have a similar personality to him, I guess. -shrug- I worry about my portrayal of Xion in this though, because her personality is kind of... not really expressed in the games? I don't know.<br>My mom tries to be disappointed in me. Then she remembers that my brother was wayyyy worse. 8D  
>Our band would have so many fans. xD<br>Don't worry, I'm /naturally/ strawberry blondish(at least, when I was little I was). And short. Well, for a guy, anyways... ._.  
>I'm glad you liked the last chapterepilogue :D  
><span>Now the ones for this story:<span>  
>I'm glad you like it! XD It keeps getting less serious as time goes on. Meh. My characters always wind up on an emotional rollercoaster.<br>Well... Gender Dysphoria is a powerful force. People cope with insecurities and abnormalities differently.  
>Sometimes people give me extra food because I look twelve... And sometimes guys at resturaunts give me free stuff...I don't think they realize I'm a guy. trololololol.<br>Econ class = body art class for me. I have a full marker sleeve today xD  
>People are too afraid of me too make those kinds of jokes at me. Plus I'm not that/ short.  
>.<br>My brother doesn't ruin my dates... because I never have any! *forever alone* xDDD  
>lol. They're such nerds. xD<br>General discussion with my mom about food: "Hey mom what do you want for dinner?" "I don't know, go make _ or something." "...okay..?" And then I wind up making food D:  
>I probably shouldn't reference my stories within my stories... but I'm using Dresden Dolls songs for the titles, and Amanda totes references her songs within her songs, SO IT'S ALL COOL BRO. shot/  
>Demyx is unaware of his pervertedness, and Xion is in a car with irresponsible adults. That's just a bad combination on it's own- mix in a lost and confused Roxas driving and it's nightmare inducing. Dx<br>Chinese Food = beast.

** I forgot what I was going to type in bold. Herpderp. XD**


	6. 672

At some point during our weekly meet up at the park, the sky decided to dump snow all over us. In response to the sky's evil doings, Namine and I sought refuge in my home. No one else was there- my mom at work, and Vanitas was off doing... what ever it is that a Vanitas does, and my father was also at work, as always- so we sprawled out on my futon and drank green tea (Namine was classy. Namine didn't drink caffeinated or brown liquids. She drank green tea. 'Cause she's classy, you know) and changed into different clothes because ours were soaked from the snowy attack from earlier.

Namine looked absolutely adorable in my clothes. She's so tiny and delicate.

I popped the movie (Underworld, of course, because I don't have anything else) into my PS2 and we re-sprawled out on the futon. Which, since it was still folded up, meant that Namine was sprawled out on my chest with her lower body between my legs.

* * *

><p>We had reached a serious point in the movie, in which Namine snuggled into me further.<p>

"Hey... Namine?"

"Hm?"

"Are you a water type?" I asked, biting back a smile. "'Cause I'm drowning in your beauty."

Namine giggled, rolling her eyes at me. "You're such a dork," she said. "I don't know what I see in you."

"I'm comfortable to lay on."

"That must be it."

I grinned at her, and she rolled her eyes and went back to watching the movie.

* * *

><p>"Hey, Namine," I said, leaning over the back of the bench and wrapping my arms around her shoulders.<p>

"Good morning, Xion," Namine said, leaning into me.

"Can I ask you something?"

"You just did, didn't you?"

"Yeah, well- anyways," I said, chuckling. "Are you an electric type? 'Cause you're shockingly beautiful."

Namine giggled and pried me off of her. "C'mere, you silly goose," she said.

I jumped over the back of the bench and stared at her expectantly.

"You look like a puppy," she giggled, ruffling my hair.

I frowned at her. Frowning and me is more of a comical thing than anything, though, so she just shook her head and giggled some more. "I thought I was a _goose,_ not a _puppy._"

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," she said, wiping at the corners of her eyes.

"No. Now I'm going to have species confusion for the rest of my life," I said. "And it'll be all your fault when I'm chased out of the little puppy's room because I look like a goose."

Namine rolled her eyes. "You're such a dork."

* * *

><p>Namine was hired into work at Payless, too. So every day from 5pm to 9pm, and from 11am to 5pm on weekdays, Namine and I frolicked about in the mostly empty store. It was like hanging out everyday.<br>Needless to say, it was the beginning of a beautiful friendship. Except we went on dates sometimes. Whatever.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: this chapter is short for lols.**

egyptian1995: Thank you! I was hoping someone would make that connection. :3

RikuObsession: trololol poor Axel.  
>Sometimes I act like Marluxia, just to screw with people...xD<br>Our band=epicwin.  
>I always/ get kids menus at pizza hut. Idon'tgetit.  
>Short jokes: "hahah you're short." "Your mom's short." "DON'T SAY THAT ABOUT MY MOTHER." "Come at me, bro!"<br>...yeah, this is /probably/ why security guards don't like me.  
>She always finds me. It's kinda ridiculous.<br>Inceptasong, meet inceptastory. :D  
>pssshhh adults...mythical creatures.<br>Yes. xD Exactly.

**Omg I need ten words.  
><strong>


	7. Necessary Evil

"Sometimes I wonder if Vexen was right," I say, fisting my hair as I stare at the ceiling tiles of Zexion's office. "Maybe I just have BDD, and I'm just another fuck up, you know?

"But when I try and prove to myself that it's just BDD, I only find ways that it's different."

"I see," he said. "Do you wish that it weren't so easy to disprove?"

"I wish for a lot of things," I said, glancing at him. "And it gets me no where."

"What are some of those wishes?"

"To have been born male, or at the very least intersex," I say, frowning. "To be normal, to have some sort of reason in the world, to have smaller hips, to be more masculine, to have been born a normal cisgendered female- hell, even to have been born a lesbian,- to have a deeper voice.

"For my mother and father and brother to stop giving me those looks, for them to stop using the wrong pronouns, for them to stop acting like lesbian and transsexual are interchangeable, for people to quit being ignorant little fucks, for people to love me for who I am, for purpose in life- should I continue?"

"No- I think I get the idea."

I breathed out, making kind of a 'fuh' noise. "Did I tell you I'm seeing someone?"

"No, you didn't," Zexion replied. "Do you consider this to be positive?"

"Her brother set me up with her," I said, grinning. "He's a horrible brother, really- but he has a hot sister, so I'm not complaining."

Zexion raised an eyebrow.

"Yes. I consider it to be a positive."

* * *

><p>"I've noticed that, as time goes on, you're becoming less and less analytical in your answers- less straight-forward. Is there a particular reason for the shift?"<p>

"I've analyzed you down to what kind of soap you use to wash your face," I said, shrugging. "I don't really need to analyze you any more to be comfortable enough around you to talk like a normal human being."

"You-alright," Zexion said, blinking.

"Oh, uh- I don't like, stalk you, or anything- I can tell from the smell and the soap residue that's sometimes on your jaw line."

"I see," he said.

I think I scared him.

* * *

><p>"Are you an ice type?" I said. "'Cause holy shit, I'm freezing my balls off out here!"<p>

Namine glanced up at me, eyebrow raised. "I'm not sure how you want me to respond to that."

"Oh hey, Xion, you're right- we should go somewhere warm like sane people and lower our risk of hypothermia!"

Namine smiled. "Is that code word for let's go back to your place?"

I narrowed my eyes. "Maybe..."

"How about we go get some coffee or tea at Biggby's?"

"Beaners."

"What?"

"Beaners."

"...let's just go to Tim Hortons..."

"Yes! Aliens! Mwahahahah!"

"You're not getting coffee. Come on," Namine said, shaking her head as she pulled me by the hand towards her little blue Beetle.

"Awww, why nottttt?"

Namine shot me a look.

I sighed. "I don't even _like_ coffee. It makes your breath smell like cat shit."

"That's a lovely description, Xion," Namine said, shaking her head. "You're awfully hyper today."

"Zexion finally cleared me to start on T."

"Oh?"

"My first shot is tomorrow."

"And so you're hyper?"

"Ecstatic."

"I see," Namine said. "I remember when Roxas first got his... he was puking."

"Ew, why?"

"He's afraid of needles."

"And he's with a person who... you know, that really doesn't surprise me. At all."

"I'm afraid of needles too," Namine said, frowning at her steering wheel.

"I'm not," I said, grinning. "But that's probably pretty obvious."

"I worry about your affinity with needles," she said, glancing wearily at me for a second.

"Don't worry, I'm straight edge."

"Christian?"

"Hell no- Minor Threat fan."

"Oh?"

"Of course," I said, rolling my eyes. "Old church ladies have beaten any shred of religion out of me."

Namine giggled. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't laugh."

"Oh, no, go ahead and laugh- what's a little laugh between friends at the expense of poor little Xion?" I said, grinning.

Namine sobered. "Is that... all we are?"

"Huh?"

"Are we...just friends?"

"I don't know. Do you want us to be?"

Namine frowned. "No."

"Then we aren't 'just friends.'"

"But we're still... in the 'friend zone,' aren't we?"

"Not if you don't want to be."

"It's not- It's not just my decision," she said. "What do you want?"

"I like you," I said, drumming my fingers on my thigh. "As more than a friend. Whether or not you return the feeling is your call, not mine."

"Oh."

"...yeah."

"I'd like to be able to call you my boyfriend."

"Okay."

"Okay?"

"We can be boyfriend and girlfriend."

"Like... a couple?"

"Yep."

Namine smiled. Not the little smile she gave when she was amused- a full smile with teeth and everything.

Smiles like that are contagious.

* * *

><p>"Yo, Rox- I'm officially dating your sister," I said, smacking the spiky haired blond upside the head in greeting.<p>

"That's great!" He said, grinning.

I always thought Roxas had a nice smile.

Namine's is better.

"Yeah, it is," I said, grinning back.

"Hey, Xion, I didn't know you were here- finally going to let me ram needles through that pretty little face of yours?"

"Nah, just came here to pester your boy toy," I said, rolling my eyes. "I already took a needle to the ass today."

Roxas blinked. "Why did you get a malaria shot?"

"I didn't? I started T today. Silly."

"What? Whatttttt? And you didn't fucking tell me?" Roxas said, pulling me into a hug and ruffling my hair. "Congrats, dude!"

* * *

><p>In celebration of the event of me having male hormones shot into my ass muscles, Axel decided he would gladly give me a piercing half off.<p>

In other words, Roxas was willing to pay for half of it and was forcing this to happen.

And that, my friends, is how I obtained my first ever facial piercing. My right eyebrow is now highlighted by a pretty little barbell.

"This week is better than all the Christmases and Birthdays I've lived through combined," I said, grinning. "Thanks, guys."

* * *

><p>"What the fuck is in your face?"<p>

"Surgical steel, Dad."

"Why?"

"Because I had it put there."

"That's weird."

"I like it."

"No daughter of mine is going to have metal shoved in their face- do you want to work at Taco Bell the rest of your life?"

"I guess it's a good thing I'm not your _daughter_ then, isn't it?" I said, sneering. "Body modification is a rapidly growing and accepted form of art."

"Get out of my sight."

I stood my ground, crossing my arms, because we were currently _in my room_.

"I said, _get out of my sight._"

"And how, pray tell, do you suppose I do that?" I asked, smirking. "I can't very well go through the door- you're blocking it."

He snapped his jaw shut and stormed off, all the way to his room and slammed the door.

Our rooms are right next to each other.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: oh hey, Xion's dad (who is totes Xaldin) finally made an appearance. **

RikuObsession: I'm glad you liked penpals. :) I think that story is mostly crack...meh. I think most of my stories are crack.  
>I'm trying/ to get a job there... and every other place around here. flippin' lack of jobs...  
>I'M NOT AFRAID OF THE DARKNESS! (ahh, the darkness!)<br>Oh...I just take the menu and do the kiddy games and show my mom every time I get one done...  
>pfft- I'm the guy who'll rip off your legs and stick 'em on your head if you call him short. shot/  
>8D yay, I have a friend! XDD<br>D: whatastalker. homing beacons are sooo annoying...  
>NAH. I'm going to get drunk on tea... like a teaholic. D:<br>No, their mythical powers are nagging. "yo, kid, do the dishes. Make me food. Go do the laundry." "okay D:"  
>pffft. I'm too poor to buy video games... yay for holidaysbirthdays! xD

egyptian1995: That chapter was exactly 672 words. xD It was done on purpose. :3  
>I wish I/ was at a convention... D: I'm so jelly right now.

**This chapter is of reasonable length today. Hooray xD**


	8. The Perfect Fit

I frowned at my hands. _Was that finger longer- _I lined my hands up and looked at them.

"What are you doing?"

"My left ring finger is longer that the right," I said, staring intensely at the fingers as I held them up for Axel to see. "Which means that my left hand suggests a high amount of prenatal testosterone, whilst my right says otherwise."

"Well... I don't know what to tell you, kiddo," he said, raising an eyebrow. We were currently waiting outside of Kairi and Namine's college, me sitting on the large brick wall and Axel leaning against it, smoking. "Is it really that big of a deal?"

"Someone who looks only at my right hand would assume I was gay."

"I don't think anyone's going to care," he said, taking a drag on his cigarette.

"You don't know the people I work with," I said, rolling my eyes. "They analyse the shit out of your hands."

"But they see you everyday, don't they?"

"No, I've never even met the actual boss."

"Why does this matter?"

"He's going to be inspecting the place tomorrow."

"And?"

"I don't want him to hit on me."

"I don't think you need to worry about that," Axel said, rolling his eyes.

"It's a reasonable worry."

"I don't think he's going to hit on you."

"He hit on my manager."

"_I've_ hit on your manager."

"It's highly probable that he'll hit on me."

"I don't think you're his type."

"He likes feminine boys with black hair."

"You're doomed."

"Thanks."

"You're welcome."

"Why are you here, anyways?"

"Gotta take Kairi home with me to the 'rents," he said, glancing warily up at me. "What about you?"

"Gotta take Namine home with me to the 'rents."

Axel 'tch'd' at me.

"I can kick you in the head from here."

"I'd like to see you-ow, shit, what the fuck, Xion?"

"You asked for it."

"Fucking bitch," Axel said, rubbing the side of his head where I kicked him.

"It's your fault," I said, smirking. "You're the one who didn't believe me."

"I hate you," he said, glaring up at me.

"I know," I said, yawning and laying on the ledge on my side, lazily playing with one red spike at the top of his head.

"Stop that."

"I'm bored."

"That doesn't give you permission to feel up my hair," he said, smacking at my hand.

"Really? I thought it did," I said, smiling down at him. "How much longer 'til they get out?"

"An hour."

"Fuck me sideways," I groaned, rolling over on my back. "Why the fuck are you here an hour early?"

"Smoking."

"You had to come here to smoke for an hour and a half?"

"Yep."

"God, you're boring."

"How long have you been up there?"

"Since her class started... at like 10."

"Why have you been here four hours?"

"Because I have nothing better to do with my life that lay up here and be sexy."

"I liked you better when you were too self conscious to talk."

"I liked you better when you didn't exist."

"Fuck you."

"No thanks, I don't fly that way. I hear there's this really cute blond dude who does, though- his name's Roxas. Maybe you've heard of him? He sleeps in your bed."

"I'm going to beat you with a stick."

"You don't have a- ahhh! Stop it! Stop it! Uncle! Uncle!" I screamed, rolling and flailing around beneath Axel as he attacked me with, not a stick, but rather his hands. "Rape! Rape! Oh god someone help me!"

A passer-by looked mildly concerned but kept walking, not even bothering to see what was happening.

So much for that plan.

I writhed under Axel as he continued his attack on my midsection, trying to shove his hands away.

* * *

><p>"Um... guys?"<p>

Axel froze and glanced over at the two small (but adult) girls who stared up at him, bewildered.

"Well, this is awkward..."

Axel climbed off me and jumped off the wall. "Um... so anyway, you ready to go, Kai?"

"Um... yeah... see you Nami, Xion," Kairi said, waving and following the red-headed man who was already walking away.

I sat up and glanced down at her. "How was class?"

"What... just happened?"

"I pissed Axel off so he sought revenge by tickling me because he didn't have a stick to beat me with."

"Oh."

"Yeah... don't worry about it."

"You're not... you know, cheating on me, right?"

"What? No- I like girls. You know, as in not guys."

Namine rolled her eyes. "Whatever- what are you doing up there, anyways?"

"Um, rolling around and whining about how much my life sucks to no one in particular while you did college stuff," I said, rubbing the back of my neck awkwardly.

"How long have you been out here?"

"Four hours..."

"Oh my god, Xion," she said, sighing. "It's December!"

"It's like fifty out."

Namine sighed. "Come on, you silly goose," she said, shaking her head. "Let's go."

"Alright," I said, heaving myself off the wall and landing neatly on my feet and following her to her car.

"I can't believe you sat on that wall for four hours—- or that they _let _you."

"Well, they _tried_ to chase me off," I said, shrugging.

"Oh my god- I don't even want to know."

"All I did was tell them to go fuck themselves," I said, frowning. "It's not like I paid them off or anything."

Namine sighed.

* * *

><p>"Hey, mom- this is Namine. Namine, this is my mom."<p>

"Oh, hello," my mom said, smiling sweetly. "It's nice to meet you."

"It's nice to meet you, too." Namine replied, smiling equally sweetly.

"C'mon, let's go play craptastic Naruto games before I gag," I said, pulling the blonde up to my room.

Even though Namine had been over to my house about a gazillion times, no one in my family had ever met her, because they were either at work or hiding in their room, in Vanitas' case.

* * *

><p>"You...rearranged your room."<p>

"I got bored last night."

"So you moved your furniture?"

"'swhat I do."

"You're so weird."

"Hey, now- you can't call me weird. Your family doesn't celebrate Christmas. _That's_ weird."

"You don't even like Christmas."

"That's completely irrelevant," I said, shaking my head and handing her a controller.

* * *

><p><em>"Hey, Xion, have you heard from Namine lately?"<em>

"Uh... you could say that," I said, looking down at the small blonde sleeping next to me.

_"Okay- 'cause I've been trying to reach her, but she hasn't picked up her phone."_ Roxas said. _"When you talk to her next, can you tell her that her dad is looking for her?"_

"Uh, sure..?"

_"Thanks, Xi."_

"Uh, you're welcome?"

Roxas hung up.

Namine yawned. "Who was that?"

"Roxas."

"Oh...what'd he want?"

"You to answer your phone 'cause your dad is apparently looking for you."

Namine groaned and pulled her phone out of the pocket of her shirt. "I forgot to take it off silent," she said, sitting up. She unlocked her phone and sent a text to someone before tossing it down towards the middle of the bed and glancing over at me. "Good morning."

"Good morning," I said, rubbing my face. "I think it's time to go back to bed."

"You sleep too much," Namine said, giggling as I pulled her down on the bed with me.

"Nnnnnn," was the only intelligible response I was capable of at the time, my face buried in her blond hair. "Your hair tastes like strawberries. It's throwing me off."

Namine giggled. "Why are you tasting my hair?"

I pulled my face away from her. "It's not my fault. Some of it wound up in my mouth."

"Well, quit tasting it, then."

"Meh. I'd rather taste you than the air."

"I'm not sure I want to respond to that."

I sighed into the pillow next to her head. We'd been dating for a month and hadn't so much as kissed yet. It was mildly strange to me, since the people I'd dated had been... well, Tidus and Larxene, both of whom were very affectionate and not at all afraid of PDA.

To be honest, it was a little aggravating. But I didn't want to just do it and have her get mad at me- honestly Namine didn't seem like an extremely affectionate person. Not in that way, anyways- she was plenty cuddly, but that was different.

On the other hand, it was nice to have someone who wasn't just after getting in my pants for a change.

I'm not sure who was holding me back, myself or Namine.

* * *

><p><em>"Aw, fuck- what the hell is all this shit, Larxene?" Axel asked, batting at the silver glittery crap that hung around the perimeters of her living room. <em>

_ "My parent's idea of Christmas decorations," Larxene said, from where she leaned on the arm of the chair. "Isn't it simply trashy?"_

_ "You're such a bitch," Roxas said, laughing as he plopped down on the couch and accepted the cookie Larxene shoved into his mouth._

_ "I think it's lovely," Axel said, rolling his eyes as he sauntered over and plopped down next to Roxas. "Just like you, Larxene."_

_ "Oh, aren't you just the sweetest thing? I might just gag!" Larxene said, with a flourish of her perfectly manicured hand over her chest. She rolled her eyes and chucked a cookie at Axel's head, before narrowing her eyes and turning to me. "What are you doing over there, babe? Come here."_

_ I obeyed silently, because I was still wary of the blonde when she had anything in her hands that she might use as a reason to shove those perfect fingers into an orifice of my body. _

_ "Oh, please- I'm not going to shove it in your mouth," she said, rolling her eyes and smirking at me. "I know how you hate sweets- I wouldn't do that to you."_

_ "Freak," Axel said, glancing warily at me._

_ "Xion's not a freak, Axel. You don't like french fries, Xion doesn't like sweets," Roxas said, scowling at his boyfriend. _

_ Axel frowned, but didn't argue._

_ I found myself pulled up in-between Larxene's legs to sit on the arm of the chair with her. _

_ "Xion, why don't you tell Roxas what you're doing in art class?"_

_ "Why?"_

_ "He'd probably love to hear about it."_

_ I glanced at the blond boy, who shrugged. "We're doing portraits. I'm drawing you."_

_ "Really?" Roxas asked, eyes lighting up. "That's awesome, Xion!"_

_ I grinned. _

* * *

><p><em> "You're a horrible artist," she said, sneering at the drawing. "You should just stop trying."<em>

_ I looked at the portrait I'd drawn. I thought it was decent..._

_ "Why do you even bother to come to class? You'll never be remotely good at art," she continued. "All you can draw is stupid little vines. You can't even draw an apple."_

_ I frowned. It was true. I'd never been able to draw still lives. Maybe she was right... I mean, she would know, wouldn't she? She was an art teacher, after all._

_ "You're such a failure."_

_ I was, wasn't I? _

* * *

><p><em> "Xion, how come you never draw anymore?" Roxas asked. <em>

_ "Because I'm not good at drawing," I said, frowning._

_ "That's not true! I always liked the stuff you drew," he said, frowning. "Especially the swirls."_

_ "Vines. They were vines."_

_ "Oh, right- either way, I always thought they were so cool," he said, grinning. "You never draw them for me anymore."_

_ "They were stupid."_

_ "They were cool."_

_ "I don't like to draw anymore."_

_ "That's too bad," Roxas said. "You had potential."_

_ "No, I didn't."_

_ Roxas frowned. "Xion, what's wrong with you?"_

_ "Just drop it!"_

_ He recoiled slightly in shock. I'd never raised my voice at him before. I'd never raised my voice at anyone before. _

_ I felt horrible. I curled my knees to my chest and hid my face. I didn't cry, because that would be shameful, and weak, and I didn't cry, because I wasn't weak, and I couldn't let him see me so vulnerable._

_ He would hate me._

* * *

><p><em> "How the hell are you failing art, Xion?"<em>

_ I frowned at my plate and shrugged._

_ "Are you even doing anything?"_

_ "She told me not to," I whispered. _

_ "What was that?"_

_ "...Nothing."_

* * *

><p><em> I frowned at the knife in my hand. This was stupid. Why was I doing this?<em>

_ Oh, yeah. Because I am stupid. And disgusting. A freak. No one liked a freak. _

_ Boys didn't have breast. I shouldn't have them, either. They were disgusting bags of fatty tissue and had no place on my body. Starving myself and exercise had done nothing to shrink them nor make them disappear. I could bind all I wanted, but no amount of Lycra or ace tape could make them disappear forever. At the end of the day, when I undid the binding, they would still be there, useless and disgusting and wrong, _so wrong_, and people would still know they were there, because even when I was bound as tight as I could be, there was still a bump, and there was still an outline from my binder, and people would _notice_ no matter what, and I couldn't stand that, I couldn't take it anymore, I needed- I needed them _gone.

_ "I might die if I do this," I said, frowning as I posed the knife above my left breast. "Not that anyone would care."_

_ I knew that was a lie. Roxas would care. Roxas was nice. He would be sad if I died. Just like he was sad when Larxene died, and when I stopped talking to him. He'd be sad._

_ I didn't want Roxas to be sad._

_ I didn't want to be sad, though, either._

_ I stabbed the knife through, dragging it outwards and back up. There was a lot of blood. Mom would be mad. _

_ I repeated the action on the right side before my mom burst into the bathroom. I stared at her, like a deer in the headlights before passing out._

* * *

><p><strong>"Xion, wake up!"<strong>

My eyes shot open and I looked around. Namine glanced up at me from where she sat on one of my nightstands, drawing quietly.

"Are you alright? You look as if you've seen a ghost," she said, frowning.

"Yeah-weird dream... could have sworn I heard..." I shook my head. "What time is it?"

"Noon, I think."

"So it's eleven."

"Um... sure?"

"My clocks are all one hour and five minutes fast."

"Why?"

"So I'm never late."

"You're so weird."

I shrugged.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Why hello, there. I should probably not be awake right now. **

RikuObsession: XD took them long enough. lol.  
>Yeah, being afraid of needles in that profession is a bad idea. (I'm so glad I enjoy being stabbed with things, it's hard to sew by hand when you're afraid of the needle, as my friend has demonstrated for me.)<br>Job Hunts: "Hi, I'd like an application" "Um... you have to be sixteen to work here." "I'm seventeen... -.-'"  
>I don't know what my favorite Riku line is, but my most memorable one is: "Are you mad?" "Nah... I guess... I'm just sad."<br>I don't remember what we were talking about here...Poor people without legs, though. *too lazy to go check*  
>Yay for having more than one friend! XD<br>Fermented tea... hah that sounds absolutely disgusting.  
>I spend all my money on hair dye and cosplay. D:<p>

egyptian1995: :C don't rub it innnnnnn. I'm going to a con in a month though, so I don't really have a reason to be jelly...  
>I'm glad you like Xionthe character interactions. :) They're the most fun to write.

**Now, rather than sleeping or writing, I'm going to go read cracked articles so I can spout useless information! Yay, sleep depri-I mean, knowledge! :D**


	9. Lonesome Organist

"Xion? What are you doing?"

"Making pancakes."

"It's like two in the morning."

"I felt like pancakes."

"At two in the morning."

"Yes."

"I... you are so weird."

"Thanks, mom."

"Just... keep it down."

* * *

><p><em>"Man, I'm so bored... don't you have any porn?"<em>

_ "No," I said, frowning. "You're welcome to the laptop, just don't give me any viruses."_

_ "Your laptop sucks dick."_

_ "Duh."_

_ "Can I shove this needle through your tongue?"_

_ I glanced at her warily. "Why do you have piercing needles?"_

_ "Well, I was going to ask Roxas, but... he kind of puked when I did."_

_ "That's... a strange reaction."_

_ "Tell me about it," she said, rolling her eyes. "So, can I, or no?"_

_ I stuck my tongue out._

_ "Fuck, I love you, Xi," she said, grinning. _

* * *

><p><em> "Hey, dyke! What the hell are you doing in here?" <em>

_ "Um... changing."_

_ "You can't change in here! I don't want some dyke looking at me," she said, grimacing._

_ "Don't flatter yourself," I said, rolling my eyes. _

_ I may have been being a smart ass, but I don't think that justified being shoved into the locker, shoved down on the track, having my things thrown in the trash or the toilet, or being constantly harassed in the locker rooms._

_ I didn't want to be there any more than they wanted me to be. _

* * *

><p><em> "Hey, lookit what I scored!" Larxene said, holding up a small bag of off-white powder.<em>

_ "Shit, Larx, I love you," Axel said._

_ I had a bad feeling, and I looked at Roxas, who shrugged. It wasn't anything too out of the ordinary. They'd done a lot of drugs._

_ Larxene stumbled over to the couch where Axel was. They'd already been drunk, having downed enough to kill a moose all in one sitting. _

_ Nonetheless, the two thrill seekers shot up._

_ Larxene took more than we thought she did._

* * *

><p><em> "She's so stupid," the girl with the pig-face said, as if I couldn't tell she was talking about <em>_me. "I mean, all she ever does is sit there and stare at the wall. She's probably retarded."_

_ "Yeah, have you ever heard her talk? She doesn't even speak English," another one said. She was so orange she was purple. _

_ "What's with all these Chinks in our school? Like, they should go back to like, China."_

_ "She's staring at us," the pig-faced girl said. "What's wrong, squinty? You miss your girlfriend? I heard she finally got sick of you and offed herself."_

_ I growled. _

_ "Ooo, kitty's mad," some guy with fish eyes said, laughing. "Better watch out, she might have rabies."_

_ "I don't blame her," the pig-faced girl said. "I'd kill myself too, if I had to deal with someone as ugly and stupid as you."_

"Shut up! God, you fucking pig-faced bitch," _I screamed in my head._

_ "Ms. Finnegan, if you would be so kind as to give us the answer to problem fourteen?" The teacher asked._

_ I stared at him. I'm pretty sure my eye was twitching. Not only was he blatantly calling me the wrong name, but I wasn't a fucking miss.  
><em>

_ "Ms. Finnegan?"_

_ "Ooo, guys, I think she's gonna snap," the purple-orange girl said._

_ "If you would kindly stop calling me the wrong name, I would gladly share with you. Until then, I will refrain." My last name was not, and never was, Finnegan. It was __O'Fionnagain. There was a difference._

_ Rather than correct himself, the teacher simply asked someone else. _

_ "What the fuck kind of Asian name is that, anyways? Finnegan."_

_ "It's not even Asian," Pig-face said. "Her parents must have been so ashamed they tried to be white."_

_ "Will you shut up?"_

_ "Are you going to make me?"_

_ "Becca, maybe you shouldn't-"_

_ "Shut up, Kaitlyn," Pig-face said. "I bet your parents probably hate you. They probably wish they'd never been cursed with such an ugly, stupid, worthless little dyke like you."_

_ "Will you shut up?"_

_ "Larxene only dated you because she felt sorry for you."_

_ "You don't know shit."_

_ "I bet she was cheating on you."_

_ "Your mom smoked when she was pregnant with you."_

_ "What the hell kid of argument is that? You're so stupid. Why don't you go kill yourself?"_

_ "Why don't you go play in traffic?"_

_ "I bet you're too afraid to die. Too scared your little lover wouldn't want you in hell?"_

_ "Shut your god damn mouth."_

_ "I bet she's happier burning in hell than spending time with you."_

_ "Shut up."_

_ "She was such trash. It doesn't surprise me that she was a drug addict."_

_ "Shut up! You don't know anything! God, you're so stupid!"_

_ "Oh, I'm stupid? At least I can read and write. That's better than you could ever do."_

_ "You think you're so fucking great? Why don't you shut your dirty little mouth and fight me, bitch?"_

_ She stood up and yanked me up by the hair. "What, you think you're so tough?"_

_ "Hey! What are you doing back there?"_

_ Pig-face turned around. "Oh, I'm just trying to help Xion fix her hair," she said._

_ "Well, save it for after school. You have work to do."_

_ "Sorry, Teach."_

* * *

><p><em> I hated gym class. I hated it because I was forced to go into the girls locker room, and as if that wasn't humiliating enough, Becca and her squad of spray-tan abusing barbies were always there to make my day one thousand times shittier. <em>

_ Sometimes they were somewhat civil, saying things like: "You might be pretty if you wore makeup and dressed like a girl," or, "You should grow your hair out, so it'll cover more of your face."_

_ But on other days, they would shove me into my locker._

_ Yet again on very special days, when we were forced to go swimming, and therefore shower, Pig-face would go use the shower on the other side of the wall, and because her friends weren't there or able to hear her, she'd be... kind of sweet, really. I didn't mind her on those days. She wasn't horrible, when her friends weren't around._

_ She soon proved herself to be a whole new breed of horrible that I don't like to think about._

* * *

><p>"You've been staring at the same spot on the wall for over an hour," Namine said. "I don't think it's changed."<p>

I slid my eyes over to her. "Sorry- I guess I spaced."

"If something's bothering you, you can tell me."

I smiled. "Thanks, but... some things are better off kept inside."

Namine frowned.

* * *

><p>Every year, Larxene's parents held a Christmas party that they, (for some reason) always invited Larxene's friends to, despite the fact that Larxene was six feet under.<p>

And every year, Roxas and I went. We didn't know why we went, whether it was because Larxene was still a large part of us, the person who essentially brought us together as friends, or whether it was just to humour her ageing parents, who despite having never liked us, always pretended to love us like their own children.

I think they were just lonely.

Either way, Roxas and I upheld our promise to go eat their food and fill their home with laughter like we did when Larxene was still around, just like we did every year. This year, like most years, Axel wasn't with us. However, this year, unlike the others, we brought Namine with us, because she had never actually been to such an event, having never celebrated Christmas before.

"Oh, come in, come in-how are you, Roxas, honey?"

"I'm great, Mrs. Adams," he said, laughing as she pulled him into a hug.

"That boyfriend of yours still skipping out on us?"

"Yeah- he's up in Marquette with his parents and sister again."

"That's a pity," Larxene's mother said, shaking her head. Her eyes locked in on Namine, then. "Oh, and who is this?"

"I'm Namine," Namine said.

"Oh! It's been so long- I didn't even recognize you!"

Namine smiled politely.

"Oh, and of course Xion- my, have you grown?"

I shrugged.

"Oh, you- always the quiet one," she said, shaking her head. "What have you been up to?"

"Not much," I said, grinning. "Still working at Payless, still bored with it."

"Oh, Xion... what are you going to do with your life?"

I shrugged.

Larxene's mom sighed, shaking her head. "It's good to see the three of you in good health," she said. "There's cookies on the table, Roxas, Namine. And you're welcome to whatever food you find in the kitchen, Xion."

We all grinned and gave our thanks.

I always thought these gatherings were awkward and strange, personally, and I was sure Roxas probably thought the same, but we did it anyways.

* * *

><p>"I remember, I was so sure you were gonna be an artist, like Nami," Roxas said, laughing. He'd had a bit too much to drink. I guess it's a good thing we brought Namine over this year.<p>

"Yeah, right- I _sucked_ at drawing," I said.

"I thought they were the shit," Roxas said, ruffling my hair. "I remember that time you drew that picture of me, I still have that bitch up on my wall."

"You're like a parent with a little kid," I said, rolling my eyes. "'Oh, Xion, Honey, that's such a good drawing!' and it's like a bunch of scribbles or something."

"Naw, dude- you were really fuckin' good. Nami, Xion used to be a really fucking awesome artist."

Namine smiled. "Yes, Roxas, I'm sure he was." In other words: _Yes, Roxas, you are completely wasted, and I'm not really listening to a word you're saying any more. _

"I failed art class, dude. I think it's safe to say I sucked."

"Your art teacher was a cunt. You were great," he said, and attempted to flick me on the nose, but instead flicked me just below the eye.

Bastard.

"Whatever," I said, rolling my eyes. "And you were a great stripper, but I don't see you doing that any more."

"You two are so silly," Larxene's mom, who was completely and utterly wasted, said, hiccuping. "Roxas would never be a stripper, he's not tall enough."

I snickered. "Here that, Rox? You're not _tall_ enough to be a stripper."

"I am too tall enough!"

"Nope, you're too _short._"

"Don't call me short!"

"Okay, shrimp."

"You're the same height as me!"

"Not if we shave your head."

Roxas grabbed his hair, a look of pure terror spreading across his face.

* * *

><p>"Is it okay to just leave him there like that?" Namine asked, staring down at her brother-turned-vegetable that laid on the floor.<p>

"Yeah- he'll be fine. We do this every year," I said, grinning. "Marluxia would be worried if there wasn't a blond passed out on his doorstep on Christmas eve."

"All right..."

I grinned and rang the door bell, grabbing her hand and hiding in the bushes.

"Hello-oh. It's you," the pink haired man nudged the blond with his foot gently before proving that he was truly a beast and picking the blond up with practically no effort.

* * *

><p>"I didn't know you used to draw," Namine said as she drove us back home.<p>

"It's not important."

"I'd love to see some of your work."

"I don't have any."

"Oh. Why not?"

"Threw it out."

"Why?"

"Because it was stupid."

Namine frowned. "Roxas didn't think so."

"Roxas is too nice to say it sucked."

Namine sighed.

* * *

><p>"Xion! Mistletoe! Mistletoe!" Axel said, pointing at the archway.<p>

"Uh, so?"

"XION, LAUNCH!" Axel said, shoving me very roughly in the direction of the archway so I smacked into the wall, successfully scaring the heck out of one very unaware (and now mildly concerned for her safety) Namine.

"Axel, play nice," Roxas scolded, smacking the redhead upside the head.

"I am! Look, now they _have _ to kiss, see!"

"Oh my god, Axel- I don't force your sister to kiss Yuffie, so don't force mine to kiss Xion."

"You say it like it's a punishment," Axel said, laughing. The humor fell from his face instantly as he glanced back at us. "You two. Kiss. Now."

"Oh my god, Axel."

I rolled my eyes and kissed Namine on the cheek as I walked into the kitchen.

"No! That is not okay! Get back here, you little twerp!" Axel said, storming in after me and pulling me back into the living room.

"Hey, Axel, you know you just went under the mistletoe with Xion, right?" Kairi said, raising an eyebrow.

Axel scowled and planted a kiss on my mouth. Sort of.

"Ew, Axel germs," I said, wiping my mouth off and then wiping my hand on Axel's shirt.

"Don't wipe my kiss off on me!" He said, wiping his shirt and wiping in on the side of my face.

"I don't want it!"I said, wiping my face and wiping it onto his face.

"You can't re-gift my kisses to me!" Axel said, returning it to my shoulder. "No givebacksies!"

I wiped it off my shirt and stalked over to Roxas, who had been absorbed in a conversation with Zexion and Demyx, (whose house we were currently loitering in for a new year's party) and rubbed my hand on the side of his face.

"Xion? What the-"

"YOU CAN'T RE-GIFT MY LOVE, XION!" Axel shouted, tackling me to the floor.

I screamed in a very manly fashion as I was showered with Axel spit via him licking my face.

"Down, boy, down!" Roxas said, kicking his boyfriend. He shot an apologetic look towards Zexion. "I'm sorry about them, they don't know how to behave like normal human beings around each other."

"I'm not a human being! I'm an alieeeeennnnnnnnnn!" Axel shrieked, (sang?) before I managed to roll back onto my shoulders and kick him in the face, sending him backwards. "You little- get back here!" He yelled as I ran away, cackling maniacally.

I dove behind the couch, crawling away from Axel's hands which reached for my ankles. Of course, he caught one and dragged me out from behind the couch so he could begin his torture. I screamed bloody murder.

"Alright, you two. Knock it off," Kairi said, rolling her eyes as she somehow managed to drag Axel off of me despite being a 4'11 twig.

"Aw, we were just playing, sis," Axel said. "Right, Xion?"

"I need an adult."

Axel scowled at me.

* * *

><p>"How would you describe your relationship with Axel?"<p>

"I hate him, but he's one of my best friends."

"I see... isn't that a bit contradicting?"

I shrugged. "That's just how we are. We fight more than we get along. He's like the flame-haired big brother I've never wanted."

"Don't you have a brother?"

"Yeah, I fight with him, too."

"Is there a reason?"

"He's a psychopathic little scum-bag."

"And... why do you say that?"

"Because it's true."

"Do you feel the same about Axel?"

"Not in the least."

"I see."

"Just 'cause we try and kill each other doesn't mean I think he's a scumbag. If I thought that, I wouldn't hang out with him."

"I see," Zexion said. "Would you say that you look up to him?"

I frowned. "No, I think I look up to Roxas more than Axel. Axel... isn't really a good role model."

"Why do you say that?"

"He hangs out with Demyx."

Zexion scowled.

I grinned.

* * *

><p>"Omnomnom."<p>

Namine jumped as I attacked the side of her face with my mouth in greeting. "Xion!"

"Sorry, I couldn't resist."

Namine giggled. "How was therapy?"

"Zexion can't take a joke," I said, jumping over the back of our standard meeting spot. "Other than that, good I guess."

"You really shouldn't piss him off," Namine said, sighing.

"Yeah, probably not," I said shrugging. "What's with all the sighs?"

"I don't know- I think it's the weather."

"It's snowed once so far," I said, frowning at the mud. "This is the weirdest January ever."

"I agree," she said, leaning her head on my shoulder. "I can't draw today."

I frowned. "Maybe you should take a break and try again later," I said, leaning my head on hers. "We could go see a movie, or something."

"I don't even know what's out."

"That's never stopped me before," I said, grinning. "We can go watch whatever crappy film is out, if you want?"

"Yeah, it might inspire me," she said, sighing.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: ew, OCs. ewwww. I couldn't think of characters in kh that would work for them, though. -sigh-**

egyptian1995: xD I'm glad it's interesting, at least?  
>Yeah, it's a good thing Roxas is a bad brother. :D<p> 


	10. Slide

"Hey, Namine?"

Namine hummed in acknowledgment. The movie had inspired her, after all. Weird.

"Am I allowed to kiss you?"

"Of course," she said. "But not when I'm drawing."

"Well of course not now," I said, grinning. "What are you drawing?"

"You."

"Ugh, creeper."

Namine smiled.

* * *

><p>"Xion, c'mere," Roxas said, waving me over with one hand while the other rubbed at his imaginary goatee. (No one in his family could grow facial hair. Or age past 20. I swear to god.)<p>

I sauntered over, and he shoved me down onto the chair next to Yuffie. "Um... what's this about?" I didn't like to be near Yuffie for extended periods of time. She scared me.

"You two... look a lot alike."

"I'm not Asian."

"No, I know that- but if it weren't for the eye colour, you'd be like the male version of Yuffie."

"And the fact that Yuffie's completely batshit crazy- no offense, Yuffie," I said.

"None taken," she said. "I said the same thing about you."

"Oh, okay."

Roxas narrowed his eyes at us. "Hey, Axel," he said, waiving the redhead over. Axel came prancing over from where he'd been taking stock of his (multiple) precious. "Don't they look like copies of each other?"

"They look like little flat chested Tifa clones, excluding the fact that Xion has Xaldin's eyes."

It turns out, Axel had a long history of pissing my dad off before we'd even met.

"Ha! See! I'm not crazy!" Roxas said, jumping and snapping and clapping all at once.

"My mom's not Asian!"

"Your mom's Tifa?"

"Figures you'd know my mom..."

* * *

><p><em>"Don't touch me!" I screamed, flailing and pushing her away. <em>

_ "Baby, what's wrong?" My mom cooed, resting a hand on my shoulder._

_ "Don't touch me!" I screamed again, curling into a ball, hands tugging at my hair. _

_ "Xion, what's wrong?"_

_ "Leave me alone!" _

* * *

><p><em> "Huggggggggggggggg!" Vanitas said, wrapping his arms around me from behind.<em>

_ I flinched, elbowing him and thrashing wildly._

_ "Aw, you never let me hug you anymore," he said, chuckling. "What's wrong, Xion? Afraid of my cooties?"_

_ "Let me go!" I screeched, kicking at his shins. _

_ "You're so cute, and cuddly," he said, rubbing his face against my head. _

_ "Get off of me!" _

_ "Let your sister go," my mother said, smacking Vanitas on the back lightly. "She doesn't want your dirty brother smell all over her."_

_ Vanitas let me go, frowning. "I showered this morning," he said, sniffing himself. _

_ I crumbled to the floor, fingers digging into my shoulders. _

* * *

><p><em> "Xion, we need to talk," my mom said, leaning against the frame of my doorway. <em>

_ "What about?"_

_ "What happened?"_

_ "I don't know what you're talking about," I said, smiling at her._

_ "Like hell you don't- you think I'm blind? I can tell something's up."_

_ "I'm sorry," I said, shrugging. "I really don't know what you're talking about. I'm fine." _As long as no one touches me.

_ "Did he touch you?"_

_ "Did who touch me?"_

_ "Axel."_

_ I snorted. "No, mom. Axel didn't touch me."_

_ She frowned. "It wasn't Roxas, was it?"_

_ "No, mom- no boy touched me."_

* * *

><p><em> The day I graduated, I was happy not because I didn't have homework anymore, but because that meant I would never have to see Pig-face and her squad again. I was free.<em>

_ It was one of the happiest days of my life. _

_ It was also the day that I was admitted to the hospital._

_ When I woke up, Roxas was passed out in the chair next to my bed, hand on mine like I was a family member or a sick lover. _

_ That meant a lot to me, because he didn't have to be so nice to me. I knew that no one else I'd ever been friends with would have been so kind and caring. _

_ I lifted my hand from under his and ruffled his hair, smiling. _

_ "Ah- you're awake!" Roxas said, springing into the conscious world. "What were you thinking? You could have died- I don't want you to die."_

_ "I was thinking that I was really stupid, and I might die, and that you'd be the only person who'd really give a damn, but I was really fucking depressed, so you'd forgive me if I did end up dying."_

_ Roxas frowned. "But if you died, who would I eat ice cream with?"_

_ "Axel."_

_ "But... but who would Axel terrorize?"_

_ "Marluxia? Innocent bystanders?" _

_ "But who would I take to Chinese restaurants to make sure my food didn't get spat in?"_

_ "...Is that why you always take me to Chinese restaurants?"_

_ "...no..."_

_ I narrowed my eyes at him._

_ "Okay, yes, it is, but that's not the _only_ reason. You get really hyper afterwords, and you flip out and it's funny."_

_ I sighed. "Well, I guess it's a good thing I'm not dead, then, huh?"_

_ "Yeah," Roxas said, grinning. _

_ Sometimes, Roxas reminded me of a little kid. _

* * *

><p>"Hey, Xion, can you handle stocking the shelves? I'll take care of the customers."<p>

"Oh, sure, take the easy job," I said, rolling my eyes.

"Well, I can-"

"Don't worry about it. Let me do all the hard work."

Namine smiled.

* * *

><p>"Xion, have you seen my phone?"<p>

"It's in your hand, mom."

"Wha-oh. Oh. Right. Thanks."

I rolled my eyes and went back to doodling on my arm absently.

* * *

><p>"Hey, Xion. Is that a new shirt?"<p>

I glanced down at the shirt. "Uh... no?"

Roxas shrugged. "I've never seen you wear it before."

"Oh." I contemplated the green fabric. "I think it might be Vanitas', actually."

Roxas made a face. "Your brother scares me."

"My brother scares everyone."

"Your entire family scares me, Xion," Axel said, sauntering over and sitting next to me.

"My entire family scares everyone."

"Jeez, you're certainly a chatterbox today," Axel said, frowning.

"I'm a chatterbox everyday."

"Alright, now you're just being a smart ass," Axel said, poking at my face.

"I'm always a smart ass."

Axel scowled. I scowled back.

"Okay, cut it out, children."

"Sorry, mom," Axel and I said, simultaneously.

My mom rolled her eyes and went upstairs.

"My mom is _not_ your mom, Axel. We don't have gingers in this family."

"Like hell you don't!"

"You're not even-"

"Ew, why are you here?" Vanitas asked, glaring at the three of us who were currently sprawled out on the couch.

"I could ask you the same," I said, frowning.

"Not you- the gay guys."

"They're here to be better role models than you."

Vanitas 'tch'd' at me and went back into his room. Where he rightfully belonged.

* * *

><p>"Aghhhh I'm so bored," I said, rolling around on the floor.<p>

"Why are you in my apartment, Xion?" Axel asked, staring down at me.

"Because you never lock your doors, and Yuffie scares me."

"I... yeah, she scares me, too," he said, frowning. "That doesn't really- on second thought, I probably don't want to know."

"Yeah, you probably don't."

"So... why are you on my floor?"

"The only other furniture is the couch and your bed, both of which I know you and Roxas have had icky gay sex all over."

He narrowed his eyes. "And who said we haven't on the floor?"

"Um, the fact that Roxas would never allow it, duh."

Axel's eyes narrowed some more. "Touche."

I yawned and rolled around on his floor some more.

"What are you playing?" He asked, grabbing the ice-blue Gameboy Advance from my hands.

"Pokemon Sapphire, duh."

"Ew. Ruby is way better."

"It's the same damn game."

"No it's not!"

"There's like three things different in the game. Shut up."

"You're no fun," Axel said, sighing. "Wait- don't you have school or something?"

I snorted. "I graduated, remember? I'm now an aimless teen who works at Payless and pesters you for a living."

Axel frowned. "Get off my floor, Xion. You're making me feel weird."

I raised and eyebrow, but obeyed him nonetheless.

"So, if you're in my apartment and unaccompanied by Roxas or Kairi, I'm assuming you want me to feed you?"

I nodded.

Axel sighed. "Alright- what do you want."

"I don't care. Food is nice, though."

Axel 'tch'd at me and set out making a Scrambled Breakfast (bacon, potatoes, cheese, onions, and eggs all scrambled together). "You're lucky I'm a good person, kid."

"You couldn't deny my smiling face if you wanted to."

"It amuses me greatly that you say things like that in a deadpan, Xion."

"'swhy I do it, Axel."

I liked to watch Axel cook. It was like watching the Food Network, because he would randomly dance around or do weird things and talk to himself when he cooked. Not to mention, he looked totally weird with his hair drawn back in a pony tail, all tame and not completely porcupined.

"So, Roxas' twin brother is in town," Axel said, as he set a plate down in front of me.

"I didn't know Roxas _had_ a twin brother."

"Yeah- his name is Ventus. They're like the spitting image of each other."

"Huh. Weird."

"He's been off at college, being a hipster."

"Like you can talk, Mr. TV-is-too-mainstream."

"Whatever- anyways, he's in town," Axel said, leaning against the counter. "So I don't get to see Roxas until he leaves."

"Poor little Axie," I said, petting the redhead. "Doesn't get to see his butt-buddy for a whole week."

Axel stuck his tongue out at me. "More like a fucking month," he said, scowling at his plate.

"Why can't you see Roxas when Ventus is in town?"

"Ventus... and I, uh..."

"Oh my god, you whore!"

"What? What'd I do?"

"Geez, I thought it was bad enough when I found out you dumped Namine for Roxas, but no one told me you did his twin!"

"I didn't!" Axel said, staring at me with wide eyes. "We just don't get along too well..."

"Why not?"

"Because apparently, my brother Lea, who is Ven's sometimes-boyfriend, told him that I was abusive."

"You're not abusive to Roxas. Just everyone else you meet."

"Hey, remember who's feeding you, kid."

"My point."

Axel scoffed. "Roxas has to pretend he dumped me ages ago, or Ventus will flip."

I grimaced. "Your brother must be an ass."

"Well... yeah."

"Why does everyone seem to have asses for brothers? Well, except Namine."

"I'm not an ass!"

I raised an eyebrow.

* * *

><p>Axel sighed. "I miss him already," he said, hitting his head on the counter.<p>

"Why don't you try to explain to Ventus that your brother is full of shit?"

"You don't think I haven't tried?"

I frowned. "Okay, then I'll tell him."

"Because he's going to believe a complete stranger to him."

"Well... if he's anything like Roxas, then yes."

Axel suddenly looked at me like I was some sort of god.

* * *

><p>"Psssttttt," I nudged Axel. "Is that them? All of Roxas' family looks the same."<p>

"Yeah, I think that's them," Axel whispered back. "You ready?"

"Ready as I'll ever be to crash a family reunion," I said, and stood up out of the bushes.

"Xion? What were you doing in the bushes?"

"Oh- you know, sleeping."

Roxas looked worried. "I don't think you should fall asleep in places like that."

"Well... I do. Anyways, what's up?"

"Um... family reunion?"

I glanced around. "Oh. Well. This is awkward."

"Uh... yeah..." Roxas glanced at the boy next to him. "Anyways, uh, Xion, this is Ven, my twin. Ven, this is Xion, my best friend."

"Nice to meet you, Xion," Ventus said, smiling at me. His smile was identical to Roxas' smile.

"Nice to meet you, too."

* * *

><p>"Man, I'm so glad you're not with that Axel guy anymore," Ven said, laughing.<p>

"Uh... right..." Roxas said, shooting a wary glance at me, trying to get me to play along.

"I can't believe Lea's brother would be abusive," the blond said, frowning. "I mean, I guess I could see it, 'cause Lea's pretty aggressive, and they had bad home lives, but..."

"Axel's only abusive when you kick him in the head."

"You know Axel, Xion?"

"Of course- he's the guy who pierces my face," I said, pointing at my eyebrow. "Plus, his sister is a friend of mine."

Roxas shot me worried glances.

"He's never touched you, has he?" Ventus asked, eyes wide.

I laughed. "No, Axel's like a big puppy."

"Why do you say that?"

"Sometimes he plays a bit too rough, because he doesn't realize what he's doing... but mostly he just tackles you and licks your face."

Ventus grimaced.

Roxas, on the other had, busted out laughing. "Oh my god, Xion- that was _hilarious._ I can't believe Zexion and Demyx still talk to us," he said, shaking his head. "I mean, I'm used to you two being complete spazzes, but I thought for sure Zexion was going to have an aneurism."

Ventus blinked, clearly confused.

"I'm sorry, Ventus- maybe I should explain."

"Yeah, maybe you should, Roxas."

"So, one of Axel's friends, Demyx, invited us over for new years, right? And Axel's been trying to get Xion to kiss Nami for _ages_, and there was a mistletoe. So, he shoved Xion under the mistletoe, but Xion was being a smart ass and kissed Nami on the cheek," he said, grinning. "And so Axel hauled Xion back out from the kitchen, and then Kairi pointed out that they were under the mistletoe, so Axel kissed Xion, and Xion wiped it off, and Axel got offended and wiped it back on Xion, claiming that his love couldn't be re-gifted to him, so Xion wiped it on me, and Axel flipped a shit and tackled Xion to the floor and started licking his face, screaming "You can't re-gift my love!""

Ventus blinked and turned to me. "You're... dating Axel?"

I laughed through my nose. "No," I said. "I don't like firecrotches."

"Ven... can I tell you something? You... have to promise you won't be mad."

"Of course, Roxas."

"I never broke up with Axel," he said, flinching as Ventus' face fell. "But he's never hurt me- Xion wasn't lying about Axel being like a big puppy."

"You... never..."

"I love him, Ven," Roxas said.

Ventus frowned. "Oh."

"You're mad at me, aren't you?"

"No, I guess not. I'm just... surprised? Yeah."

Roxas grinned. "That's good, because there's these two redheads hiding in those bushes over there," he said, pointing to the bushes I'd miraculously appeared from.

"Dammit!" I said, pounding my fist on the table. "Abort mission!" I yelled, running and diving into the bushes, tackling the redhead I knew to be Axel down to the ground.

Axel sputtered as he shove me off of him. "Dammit, Xi, what was that for?"

"Who's this kid?"

I glanced up at the newcomer. "Whoa! It's hipster Axel!" I said, pointing at who I assumed to be Lea.

"What'd you call me?"

I cackled and ran away, both Axel and Lea chasing after me and eventually tackling me into the dirt.

* * *

><p>"Hey, Xion," Namine said. She glanced up from her sketchpad. "What happened to you?"<p>

"Oh, you know- Axel and his clones," I said, waving my hand and collapsing onto the couch next to her. "I don't think I've ever been mauled by _two_ ginger bears before."

"Mauled?"

"Mauled."

"Oh...my... that sounds... painful."

"...it was."

"You provoked them, didn't you?"

"You bet I did, sweetie."

Namine smiled down at me. "Did you have fun?"

"Yeah, I hung out with a bunch of clones. There's nothing more fun than that."

"You should have brought Yuffie."

"Hell no! She would have mauled me too!"

Namine giggled. "Yeah, she probably would, wouldn't she?"

"Yuffie's mauling what?" Yuffie asked, suddenly appearing on the table a few feet away.

"Oh god," I said, curling up into a ball and latching onto Namine. "Save me, Nami," I whimpered.

"Shhh, I won't let the bad woman get you," Namine cooed, running her fingers through my hair soothingly.

* * *

><p><em> "What's wrong? Are you <em>scared?_" _

_ I shook my head. No. I was a big boy- I didn't get scared. Ever. _

_ His lips curled upwards. Sinister. "Good," he said, moving towards me. "It'll all be over soon."_

_ And he was touching me, touching me everywhere, in places I didn't want to be touched, but I couldn't fight him, because my little kid arms where held in place._

_ I stopped squirming and fidgeting, replacing my cries of protest with sobs of 'Mom! Mommmmmm!' that I knew she couldn't hear, because she was inside, not at the edge of the swamp with me and this guy who was supposed to be watching me and the other kids play in the yard, so that some stranger wouldn't come harm us, but he _was_ the stranger, and he was harming me._

_ Why couldn't he have chosen someone else? My cousins were prettier than me, with their blond hair and tanned skin._

_ Why me?_

* * *

><p>"Xion, you can stop hiding now," Namine said, petting my hair calmly.<p>

_ "Xion, you can come out, now. The game's ov-what happened to you?" _

_ "I...fell."_

_ "In the swamp?"_

_ I nodded slowly. _

_ "You're such a klutz. Come on, we'll go see if Grandma has a spare set of clothes for you," Vanitas said, grabbing my hand and pulling me back to the house. _

"But you're comfortable," I said, frowning.

"Wouldn't you be more comfortable in my bed?"

I narrowed my eyes. "I don't know, would I?"

"I think you would," she said, smiling down at me. "But you _are_ pretty weird, so maybe not."

"Nah, your bed would probably be more comfortable. I can lay on more of you then."

Namine giggled and patted me on the head, signaling for me to get up. I followed her into her eerily white room with the pictures plastered onto the wall.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I thought I had a bruise on my hand, but it turns out it was just ink... **

egyptian1995: pfft. They asked for it. xD  
>I'm glad you like them. :)<p>

RikuObsession: I'm glad you like the memory flashes. :)  
>They did. xD It's all 'yeah, let's go on dates and not be a couple for a month or so! yay, us!'<br>My friend stabbed herself and made me get a bandaid... ._. it wasn't even bleeding.  
>I don't even get job offers. D:<br>It tells a lot about his character, too, I think.  
>ohright. They deserved it...<br>Delicacies: what people without a choice ate, and then shared with some foreigner who took it back to his people and called it fancy eating.  
>My mum owes me like $20 by now... : I need to buy a chain for my organization coat so my friend can borrow it and be Riku. lol  
>Sometimes I wish I was homeschooled... but then I'd be pretty stupid. xD<br>I'm glad you thought the OCs were okay. :D I always hate putting OCs in. And yeah, Xion probably did. XD  
>Lol. I love writing their interactions. They're so wtd. Yes, d. For duck. can't type/  
>Surprisingly, he wasn't. o.0<br>but I'm sicckkkkkk. I need sleep and koolaid and other sick people thingsssss D:

**Think I'm going to go make biscuits or something... mrg. **


	11. The Gardener

"Hey...when'd you do that one?" I asked, pointing to the uncharacteristically dark vines sprouting from the paper on the wall.

"Hmm? Oh," she shrugged. "I didn't, I found it when I was going through some of Roxas' old stuff."

"Oh," I said, frowning. Why did that look so familiar?

"Do you like it? I thought it was... very deep," she said, smiling. "A bit rigid though; drawn by someone with a lot of unresolved anger, I think."

"Funny," I said, too quiet really to be heard. "Roxas used to tell me the same thing..."

"What was that?"

"Oh, nothing."

Namine smiled knowingly. "Xion, I know who drew it."

"Do you?"

"Yes," she said, crawling over to me. "And I know they were told to stop."

"Were they?"

"But they shouldn't have," she said. "And I wish they'd quit listening to whomever told them to stop."

"Really."

"Yes, really, Xion."

"Perhaps you should tell them that, then."

"I _am_ telling them that."

"Oh."

Namine smiled, patting my cheek and climbing off me. "Now, draw," she said, shoving a blank sketchpad and pencil into my hand.

"Um... what do you want me to draw?"

"Whatever you want to draw."

"Oh...kay."

* * *

><p>"FUCKING COW!"<p>

I jumped, looking towards the door of Vanitas' room.

"NO! WHAT THE FUCK?"

It's a good thing there weren't any tables in his room...I'm pretty sure Vanitas was rage-quitting Wind Waker right now...

"HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT? HUH? BASTARD."

There was a reason he stayed in his room all day...

A few minutes of silence followed, and Vanitas walked out of his room, stared at me for a second, and headed for the kitchen, opening and shutting the cupboards and going back into his room.

Who needs a poltergeist when you have a Vanitas?

* * *

><p>"Wow," Kairi said, glancing over my shoulder. "I didn't know you drew."<p>

"I don't."

"Well, you're good at it, considering you don't."

"That didn't make sense."

"Whatever- just take the compliment, smart ass."

I frowned down at the drawing. It was a boy with spiky hair- not Roxas or Axel spiky, but all over spiky- looking out a window.

"He looks a bit like Roxas," Namine said. "Is he someone you know?"

"Well, he was in my dream, so... I must have seen him somewhere, right?"

Namine bit her lip, and flipped a few pages back in her own sketchbook, putting hers next to mine. "Do you think they're looking for each other?"

It was the drawing she'd done so long ago of the boy-who-was-a-mountain-but-totally-not.

"They have the same look on their face," Kairi said, leaning over to look at the two pictures.

"You remember our theory about him having lost someone?" I asked, glancing over at Namine. "I think I found him."

Namine smiled up at me.

"Wow, it's like you guys are being led to each other by a couple of dead guys!" Yuffie said, suddenly popping between us.

I squawked, flailing my arms and jumping away from the ninja-demon-thing that was Kairi's girlfriend.

* * *

><p>"Oh, Xion! It's been so long since I've seen you, child," Aerith said, taking my hands in hers as she looked me over, like the mother-hen she'd always been. "My, you sure have grown since I last saw you."<p>

"Well, it's been a few months," I said.

"A right shame, that- now, how long has it been since you've had a proper meal?"

"Geez, I don't know- a week?"

Aerith gasped, holding a hand to her chest. "Dear me! Doesn't that mother of yours feed you?"

I chuckled. "Of course- I haven't been home much lately."

"Oh?" Aerith's eyes lit up at the hint of some bit of news.

"Yeah- I've been bouncing between Rox's house and my, ah, girlfriend's loft."

"You met someone?" Aerith grinned. "Oh, she must be a sweet little thing- you simply must introduce her to me!"

I grinned back. "Of course," I said, accepting the hug that came my way. "You'll absolutely love her."

* * *

><p>Aerith is my favourite neighbour. She's from Tennessee, but she moved up here with her brother, Leon, who was in the military when he was younger, but was discharged because he was now nearing forty. He didn't, however, look like he was even that old- maybe thirty at most.<p>

I think he had the same never-age-past-twenty thing that all of Roxas' family had. It must be a terrible disease.

Aerith, on the other hand, is a stay-at-home wife to my dad's uncle's illegitimate son, Zack, who works at the hospital...doing... something. I don't really know him that well, other than the fact that he's always got a sugar rush and looks a lot like me and Vanitas.

"Hey, what did I tell you about picking up stray cats, Aer?" Zack said.

"Well, I've already got a dog," she said, patting him on the head as she slipped into the kitchen.

Zack pouted.

I stuck my tongue out as him as I flounced into the kitchen after her, deepening his pout even further.

"So, Xion, why don't you tell me about this new girl of yours?" Aerith said, sitting down at the table after handing me a plate filled with delicious stew.

The great thing about Aerith was that she loved _everyone._ Male, female, young, old, black, white, purple, gay, straight, alien, dog, cat, lizard-you get the point. Leon was bisexual, so it only makes sense that she'd be so accepting, since she loved her brother like no other.

"Well, she's an artist," I said, smiling. "And she's nineteen... and comes to about my chest." Aerith's brows shot up. "Yeah- she's really tiny. Her room mate is practically the same height. They make Axel look like a pedophile when we go to the mall."

"Oh, my."

I chuckled. "It's really funny, 'cause Namine's room-mate is his little sister."

"Oh?"

"Yeah-and Namine is Roxas' half sister."

"Does Roxas know you're dating his sister?"

I nodded. "He's actually the one who set us up," I said, shovelling stew into my mouth. Aerith's cooking was godly.

* * *

><p>"Hey, Roxas, how did your dad take you being trans and Ven being gay?"<p>

Roxas shrugged. "I don't think he really cared that much- I mean, when you consider the fact that my dad's bi and participated in his fair share of drag contests, he doesn't have much room to judge."

I gaped.

He glanced at me and shrugged. "I guess I should have told you sooner- but it just never came up."

"Your dad is awesome, dude," I said, bumping his confused fist.

Roxas laughed. "Yeah- I guess he is, huh?"

"He owns a restaurant, has gay twins, dresses in drag, and is bisexual. There is no guessing about that."

"Oh, I never told you, did I? He also owns a gay bar."

"Yeah, and he's totally doing the bouncer," Axel said, ducking into the room from the bathroom where he was brushing his teeth and styling his hair simultaneously.

Show off.

Roxas frowned and chucked the shoe he was trying to put on at the red-head, who's eyes widened significantly as he ducked back into the bathroom.

"A shoe, Roxas? You're borderline abusive already," I said, shaking my head.

"Oh, shush. You'd be throwing shoes too, if you had to deal with that guy and his stupid flippin libido..." Roxas grumbled, retrieving his shoe.

"Ew, I'm too young to hear about this," I said, making a face.

"Oh whatever, we know that tongue ring serves a purpose, kid."

"Hey! Don't talk about my sister that way!"

"We haven't-"

"I was talking about _Larxene,_ blondie. Chill."

"I told you not to call me that, _firecrotch._"

"Fine, sugar-plum."

"You don't even know what a sugar plum is, cherry pie."

"Ohhhhkaaayyyytheeennnn, how about we all go get some ice cream?"

"Like hell I don't know what a _term of endearment_ means, it's a fucking piece of candy."

"Like hell it is! Fuck you, flamer!"

"Hey, guys-"

"Well, maybe if you _did_, I wouldn't have to take you in the goddamn-"

"Well maybe if you eased into it-ever heard of a thing called _foreplay_?"

"Guys-"

"What?" They both asked, throwing their hands up.

"The fire alarm has been going off for two minutes."

"Wha-_shit!" _Axel flailed and ran towards the bathroom, stopping and running back to the proper exit, scooping up Roxas bridal style and running out of the building despite the blond's protests on his way out.

Meanwhile, I walked out like a normal human being, since I saw the announcement of a drill taped to the building door, unlike Axel and Roxas, who were now running around the parking lot like chickens with their heads chopped off, screaming.

"Guys!"

They continued.

"GUYS."

Both men stopped, staring at me expectantly.

"It's a drill."

"Oh."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"Oh." Roxas glanced at Axel, who glanced at Roxas who looked away, blushing, and glanced back at Axel, who was still staring blatantly at the blond. Roxas let out what I can only hope to describe as a chortle, and flung himself at the redhead.

At that point, I was thoroughly grossed out and walked away, like any other sane person.

* * *

><p><em>"I can't believe you sometimes, Xion," she said, rolling her eyes.<em>

_ I frowned._

_ "I mean, really? It was Xemnas._ _He wouldn't hurt a hair on your head."_

_ That's not true. "He scared me."_

_ "So you had to punch him?"_

_ "I didn't mean to!" _

_ "Go apologize."_

_ "Okay..." But I wouldn't. I couldn't apologize to someone like him. He was the one who should apologize to me. _

_ She wasn't there. She didn't know what happened. Not today, nor that time when I was little. She wasn't there. She doesn't understand._

_ I can't do this any more._

* * *

><p>"Xion, we're going to your grandparent's house for your father's birthday tomorrow," my mom said, leaning against the doorway.<p>

"Cool."

"That's all?"

"Uh... yeah?"

"Okay. Well... just don't forget."

"Okay."

* * *

><p>He was there.<p>

He was there and I knew it, and I could feel his eyes watching me, calculating me.

My blue eyes locked with his amber ones momentarily before I ducked back out of the house and let myself into the dog pen, despite the fact that the dog had died three years ago and there was no reason for me to be there other than to avoid relatives.

And random step uncles that everyone pretty much hated.

* * *

><p><em> "Xion."<em>

_ "What do you want?"_

_ He narrowed his eyes._

_ "Well? Do you need something from me, or can I go upstairs?"_

_ He didn't say anything, just smiled._

_ I scoffed and tried to push my way past him, but he grabbed my wrist and threw me back. I screamed and hit him in the face with the frozen block of ice cream I'd been sent to get from the freezer, running back up the flight of stairs._

* * *

><p>"Xion, what are you doing out here?"<p>

I glanced up. A family friend- the kid who tried to drown me in a swimming pool when I was little so Vanitas beat him up-what was his name? "Avoiding the mob."

"Oh... dinner's here."

"Cool."

"So... aren't you going to go inside?"

"Maybe later."

He stared at me for a second later, and then went back into the house. Laughter exploded from the living/dining room area a few minutes later.

"Maybe never."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I'm so sorry for not updating for so long. I've been busy sleeping. Is that a valid excuse? No? Oh. Okay. Well I don't really know what happened. That better? Still no good? Dang.**

egyptian1995: I'm sorry to make you frown D: but I'm glad you like the happy bits xD

RikuObsession: the roller coasters are inevitable xDDD Yeah, I guess she is nice xD  
>I'm glad you like them xD And yeah, more realistic.<br>pfft. I'm not that devoted...  
>Thank god for that... D: I don't needwant mewbage. D:  
>pfff, no pity!<br>I probably won't ever have the chance to xD  
>xD I have an organization coat but I'm trying to make a new one... but then I didn't have enough fabric... herpderp<br>My mum's one of those: I don't care if every text and website says otherwise, I'm right, dammit! Types of people, so... I'd be really stupid... xD And my dad...no. Just no. All I'd know how to do is play with fire. xD  
>pfff go Xion xD<br>No, there's definitely a price. All my sanity. D:  
>Koolaid has vitamin C... and... I don't know. It makes me feel better when I'm sick. xD Keeps me hydrated, y'know?<p>

**I don't know when the next update will be. I'm drowning in my own stupidity at the moment.**


	12. The Shores Of California

"Why don't you two kiss?"

"Axel, leave them alone," Roxas said, frowning at the redhead.

"No- this is vital to my survival. Shut up, Rox."

Roxas sighed with exasperation and walked out of the room.

"Seriously- when are you two going to kiss?"

"Some time when there's no obnoxious firetruck-gone-wrong watching us?" I said, raising an eyebrow.

"You never cared when it was Larxene," Axel said, scowling.

"Larxene had a habit of attacking the nearest face," Namine said, shrugging. "Even when we were together, she was like that."

Axel frowned. "So why can't you two be like that?"

"Because we like torturing you."

"It's fun to watch you squirm," I added.

"Who you textin, Xixi?" Axel asked, swiping my phone.

"My _mom,_ AxAx." I said, prying it from his fingers.

"Awww, the wittle mama's boy wants his phoneeee," Axel said, putting me in a headlock and nuggying me with the fist that held my phone still.

"Axel, I swear to god I'll bite your arm."

"I dare you!"

I chomped down on his arm, causing him to scream like a little girl and dance around, dropping my phone.

"Let go, you goddamned piranha!" Axel said, pulling on my hair with his free hand.

I clawed at the hand in my hair, sinking my teeth in more and kicking him in the butt.

"You two are ridiculous- I leave the room for one minute and you're like this. Namine, come on. We're going on a date without those two."

Namine giggled and followed Roxas out of the lobby of Axel's workplace.

"Wait! Rox, don't leave me!"

I released Axel's arm and delivered one final kick to his side, knocking him over and ran out the door, throwing myself at the two blondes and climbing them like trees.

Very short, awkwardly shaped trees.

"Xion, are you a monkey or a bulldog? Make up your mind," Roxas said, as I climbed onto him piggy-back style.

"Labels are overrated. Call me Beast-Boy."

"...You're lucky you're skinny."

"I know," I said, resting my head on my arm and Roxas's shoulder. "So how's it going?"

"Don't ask me things when you're on my back."

"I wasn't talking to you."

Namine giggled. "Absolutely wonderful, Xion."

Namine was probably the only person who would say that without a hint of sarcasm.

* * *

><p>"Hey, Namine, where's Kairi?"<p>

"Oh... I don't know...haven't seen her in a couple days."

"..."

"Axel... she's probably fine."

"And you haven't even bothered to call her and find out? She could be dead somewhere in a ditch, or-"

"Axel. Calm the fuck down, bro. She's _fine."_

"No! You calm the fuck down, Xion, my little sister is missing!"

"She's in France, you dipshit."

"Wh-what? Why is Kairi in France?"

"Because she's part of the foreign exchange program, with Yuffie. God, don't you ever listen to your sister?" Roxas said, rolling his eyes as he sauntered into the room and sprawled out on the couch, resting his head on Namine's thigh.

* * *

><p>It was April first, and I was going to Walmart with Roxas to buy random crap because Axel and Namine went to California for spring break, (well, actually, Axel was going to get more training from some weird guy) which meant that for the entirety of the week I'd be crashing with Roxas since he was afraid of being alone and Ventus was off in some far off land (the upper peninsula, I think) with his boyfriend Terra, who for some reason really hated Terra Chips, much to my amusement.<p>

"So..."

"So..?"

"So I was kinda...raped."

Roxas choked and swerved suddenly. "What? When? By who?"

"Whom."

"Whatever-who's ass do I need to have beaten?"

"No ones. I just... Zexion told me to be more open with my friends."

Roxas glanced wearily at me. "I don't think you're approaching this correctly, Xion."

"I don't know how else to approach it, Rox."

"Well you don't just say it all of the sudden," Roxas said, scowling. "And I doubt that Zexion wanted you to suddenly spout everything you've encountered whilst in a car travelling at 65 miles an hour."

"I don't know- maybe he did. You never know, he could secretly be trying to kill us all."

"He hasn't killed Demyx yet."

"Yet."

Roxas' facial expression morphed into one of unease.

And then, inexplicably, we all died.

...

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** april fools? xD

wow it's been over a month, sorry about that... got distracted by a bunch of crap. hurpderp. I may or may not be also working on something along the lines of what happened between Namine and Axel and Roxas, dunno if I'll ever actually get around to finishing it and developing it (not in that order?) enough to post it, but...it's floating around up in the abyss that is my head.

RikuObsession: Xion is a magical beast of superglue. lolwat.  
>Windwaker+me= FUUUU AM I GOING IN CIRCLES WHERE THE FFFFF IS MY SWORD FHGIOABTEAJBTEABTEBH -rage quits-<br>still haven't finished that new organization coat... and my friend has my /entire/ Riku cosplay. hurrdurr.  
>My mom didn't either, haha. yay, fire~!<br>Oh, yeah, and I'm glad you liked Dancers & Dreamers :D (and the other stories you read that I'll hopefully not abandon completely like the loser I tend to be...)

egyptian1995: Hopefully you aren't still grounded! D: They aren't the same. The time and place doesn't match up for them to be the exact same people, haha. I never liked Xemnas.

Phen13: Hey, I'm just glad you guys read this xD  
>*is super late on updating and should be shot forever*<p> 


	13. The Sheep Song

What really happened, was Roxas ran over a skunk and had a miniature heart attack because he thought it was a cat, and swerved off to the side of the road, running out in the middle of the road and sobbing over the carcass of what was actually a skunk, and so I had to stand in the middle of the road and direct traffic around him until Roxas realized that he was crying over a still-living skunk and started rejoicing, ripping off his shirt and wrapping the wild animal in it and declaring that there was still hope and we were going to the animal hospital _right the fuck now._

When we got to the animal hospital, Roxas was shaking uncontrollably, and so I took the swaddled animal from him before he dropped the poor thing and he panickedly explained to the receptionist (who he worked with) that he hit the skunk with his car. She rolled her eyes and waved a vet tech over to take the wounded animal from us, and told Roxas to go sit down until he calmed down.

* * *

><p>While Roxas was coming off his panic attack, I received a phone call from Namine and stepped out of the building.<p>

_"Hey, Xion! Roxas didn't pick up his phone, is everything alright over there?"_

"Yeah, he's just flipping out because he hit a skunk."

_"Oh my god, is he alrigh-_

_ "What happened? Is Roxas okay? Is he hurt? What happened? Xion! What. Happened?"_

"He's fine. He flipped out a little, and for a while there he was sobbing in the road, but I made sure no ass hole hit him, and so now we're at the animal hospital and he's in the lobby calming down."

_"Why are you-what the fuck."_

"He hit a skunk."

Axel breathed a sigh of relief and handed the phone back to Namine. _"Sorry- Axel's a little stressed out. I think he has separation anxi-ow! Axel, quit it! - stupid flaming banshee, see if I don't shave your head in your sleep with a disposable hotel razor."_

Note to self: never invoke the wrath of Namine.

_"Yeah, well, your mom!" Axel responded._

_ "I think he misses you. He's been like this the entire trip," Namine said, sighing. _

_ "Namine don't leave me!" Axel said, borderline sobbing off in the background._

"I think he needs to be taken on a walk."

"Who needs to be taken on a walk?" Roxas asked, suddenly appearing next to me.

"Flame crotch."

"Oh. Is he giving Nami trouble?"

I nodded and handed him the phone.

"Axel, honey, you need to leave my little sister alone, or your side of the bed will be covered in knifes and rusty nails."

Note to self: find better friends.

* * *

><p>"Oh my godddddddddd," Roxas groaned, flopping around on the floor in front of the tv, mouth covered in blue from the copious amounts of Sea-salt ice-cream he'd consumed within the four hours he'd been awake.<p>

"I know, you want Axel to come back and fuck you. You've said it fifty times already," I said, rolling my eyes.

"Don't you miss Namine at all?"

I shrugged. "Sure, but I'm not a total horndog like you are."

Roxas frowned. "I'm just...worried, you know?"

"No, I don't-why are you worried?"

"Axel's not... his morals differ from most."

"I've noticed."

"I just... sometimes I don't know if I should trust him, you know?"

"I don't think you have any reason to worry about it, Roxas."

"But what if they-"

"Seriously? Axel is completely loyal to you. Not only that, but Namine's morals _don't_ differ from most-she wouldn't _let_ him cheat on you."

Roxas bit his lip. "But they have a-"

"History. From _before_ you came out, and _before_ Axel fell head-over-heels for you, and _before_ Namine decided that she wasn't really into male fire crotches anyways."

Roxas clenched his jaw shut and rolled over, continuing to groan and flail and hold his stomach (because Roxas had only eaten ice cream today, and in vast amounts).

* * *

><p><em> "Do you ever wish you were someone else?"<em>

_ "When don't I?" I asked back, glancing at the blond next to me, who smiled back._

_ "Sometimes I get jealous of what Roxas and Axel have."_

_ "It's like they were made for each other."_

_ "You like Roxas, don't you?"_

_ I blinked. "He's a friend, sure. But I don't really like guys, Larxene."_

_ "It's alright if you do."_

_ "But I _don't._"_

_ "I had sex with Axel."_

_ "Honestly? That doesn't even surprise me."_

_ "He cried afterwards. Like... full out man sobs."_

_ "That's... what did you do to him?"_

_ "I don't really know, but right after that he told me he was gay and in love with Roxas."_

_ "...damn."_

* * *

><p>"She fucked Axel."<p>

"Namine did?"

"No-_Larxene._ While Axel was with Namine, he fucked Larxene."

"How do you know that?"

"Larxene...told me. When we were... laying in the grass one night, looking at the stars... she told me."

"You guys did that kind of thing?" Roxas asked, scrunching up his nose. "I didn't know either of you could do romance."

I kicked him lightly. "Shut up, I'm romancing your sister."

"Yeah, and Larxene was fucking her!"

"I was fucking Larxene, and Larxene was fucking Axel. And everyone else."

"Sh...shut up."

"Don't worry, they did that before Axel and you started dating."

"That's good at least..."

"Hey, Roxas?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you, bro. With the force of a thousand burning suns."

"You miss Axel, don't you?"

"You're not very good at this. I repeat; I love you, bro. With the force of a thousand burning suns."

"Are these stars or people?"

"That's irrelevant."

"So both, right?"

"Irrelevant."

Roxas narrowed his eyes. "I reject your bromance."

"NO. NOOOOO. YOU CAN'T REJECT THE BROMANCE. C'MON, ROXAS! YOU CAN'T FUCKING REJECT MY LOVE!"

"You must really miss Axel."

"YOU CAN'T DENY ME FOREVER, ROXAS."

Roxas rolled his eyes and sauntered off into the kitchen, pulling out yet another stick of ice cream. "By the way, congrats on the man-shout."

"Oh, thanks bro. I was wondering if I'd ever get to use it, what with Axel gone and everything."

"So, whatcha wanna do today, buddy?"

"I dunno. Same thing we always do?"

"Watch Axel's secret stash of movies?"

"Yep."

"Alright...we're down to, uh... Bruno or Twilight..."

"...I don't want either."

"Okay. We can watch both."

* * *

><p>"What the fuck is this?" Roxas asked, raising an eyebrow.<p>

"I think I'm going to hurl."

Roxas stared on in confusion at the screen. "I'm not sure if I want to puke or gouge out my eye balls."

"Both. I want to do both. And maybe also shred my eardrums."

"Well, you know where the knives are. Try not to make too big of a mess."

* * *

><p><em> "God, you're a mess, Xion. What happened to you?"<em>

_ "I, um... fell."_

_ "In what?"_

_ "The, uh... mud."_

_ "Did you beat the shit out of the mud in return, or do I need to take care of some business?"_

_ "...it was really mud, Rox."_

_ "...oh."_

* * *

><p>"Xion, it's okay now. You're safe."<p>

I shook my head, refusing to come out from the corner.

"It's okay. You hid through all of the sparkly men and the rest of Bruno. It's okay."

I risked a glance and saw only Roxas' face. The blond pulled my arms down from my face, and as much as I tried to back away, there was a wall behind me, and soon his lips were on mine, and it felt wrong, and everything was suddenly so wrong and-

_"Why won't you look at me? Huh? Are you _scared?_" She asked._

_ I glared up at her, defiant as always. "Of a coward like you?"_

_ She pressed her lips against mine. _

_ I am just a puppet for others to gain pleasure from._

"...shit."

My eyes opened to the ceiling, flickering around until they rested on the blond boy who ran around frantically, running his hands through his hair and tugging. "You're going to be bald if you keep doing that."

Roxas jumped, whipping around and staring at me before making some weird noise halfway between a sob and a yelp.

I rubbed my eyes. "It was a kiss, Roxas. It's not- Axel kisses me every winter at least once."

"But this..."

"And we'll pretend it never happened if it makes you feel better, or we can just tell Axel and he won't really give two shits."

"Xion, did you... are you okay?"

"I'm...fine, why?"

"Xion, we...we had... you know, _sex._"

"Oh."

Roxas pulled at his hair and resumed pacing.

"Well, what happens in the apartment during brotime stays in the apartment after brotime."

"So...we just don't tell anyone?"

"Basically."

"And we just pretend it never happened?"

"Obviously, since you're the only one who remembers anything."

"Are you sure you're...okay?"

"Yes, Roxas, I'm fine."

"Not like... concussed?"

"I'm fine."

"_Sometimes the brain represses things that cause major emotional stress."_

_ "So you're saying the reason I don't remember anything is because my brain won't let me?"_

_ "Yes-although, it's quite possible that you blacked out."_

_ "I don't think I did."_

_ "Your brain may have shut down temporarily."_

_ I frowned. "I don't want to talk about it anymore."_

* * *

><p>"Xion? Your phone's ringing."<p>

"Oh. Right." I said, blinking and pressing talk.

_"Xion! Good morning!"_

I smiled. "Good morning, Namine. How's it going over there?"

_ "It's going wonderfully, Xion. I wish you could see it—-there's so many cool places here!"_

"I hate California, Nami. You know that-oh, yeah, the lady from the cafe found your notebook on the table the night before you left. I'll give it to you when you get back, alright?"

_"Oh...you didn't...read it, did you?"_

"No, I try to avoid reading if I can."

_"Oh...okay. Good... um, just... don't read it, okay?"_

I blinked. "Alrighty. Anyways... what're you doing today?"

* * *

><p>"Um... listen, Xion?"<p>

I glanced up at the blond.

"About the other day..."

"Don't worry about it, Roxas. We're going to pretend it never happened, remember?"

"That's just it..." Roxas said, chewing his lower lip. "I.. I feel really bad because I know you never really... and then I...and... I can't live with myself knowing I did that to you."

I shrugged. "It's not like I remember it-and it's not like you're the first to do it."

Roxas groaned. "God, when you put it that way- _fuck,_ I'm a rapist now, aren't I?"

"Not really. Shit happens."

"But... I can't... you're not... we're not... _what about Namine?"_

"Honestly I don't think it matters enough to even bother telling her."

"So you're just going to keep her in the dark."

"Yep."

"I'm a horrible brother."

"Yep."

"This is the _second time_ I've fucked one of her boyfriends."

"The difference is, this one isn't madly in love with you."

Roxas let out a choked sob.

* * *

><p>"So, explain to me your relationship with Namine," Zexion said, assuming psychologist position.<p>

I frowned. "Scared."

Zexion raised an eyebrow. "Scared. And why do you say that?"

"Because I'm too scared to make a move, and she's too scared that I'll respond poorly to make a move, and so really we're more like friends."

"Xion, are you asexual?"

I stared at him blankly. "Err, no..?"

"What I mean is, are you sexually attracted to anyone?"

"Namine's attractive. Larxene was attractive."

Zexion frowned. "You're not telling me something."

"I don't want to-" I met his eyes and frowned. "I guess it's not like you can tell her anyways- Roxas said we fucked. I don't remember it."

"Do you remember your thoughts during it?"

_Becca._

"Not really."

"And you're sure Roxas wasn't just pretending?"

"He was freaking out. I don't think he was pretending."

Zexion frowned. "And what was your response?"

"Shit happens, what happens in the apartment stays in the apartment."

"I see."

* * *

><p>"Xion, did something happen between you and Roxas?" Axel asked, green eyes searching mine.<p>

"Uh, not that I can remember."

His eyes narrowed, but he seemed to accept the answer. For now.

I wasn't really lying, after all.

* * *

><p>"Roxas, he's clinging again," I said, attempting to pry the redhead off the small blonde.<p>

"Axel! Down boy! Down!"

Axel pouted, and slowly slunk away from Namine and into a corner, where if I hadn't known better, I would have sworn he was growing mushrooms.

Too much Ouran in one day.

Roxas sighed and went back to attending the small kitten that Namine had brought him.

* * *

><p><strong>An: shoot me please. **

egyptian1995: No worries, 'sall good. No one's dead yet. Well, except Larxene, but...eh. No one loves her anyways. I mean, uh... what?


	14. Sex Changes

"What the fuck is your problem?"

"What the fuck is _your _problem?"

"_My _problem is that since I've gotten home, _you've_ been in a shitty-ass mood and completely ignoring me, _Roxas._ What the fuck is this, huh? This isn't how you have a fucking relationship, dammit!"

Roxas was crying. The thing about Roxas was that he wasn't very strong. He could deal it, but he couldn't take it-especially when it was related to Axel and Axel was completely right.

Namine and I glanced at each other and nodded, silently communicating our plan of attack an isolate, because we had seen many of these fights, (though generally not between Roxas and Axel) and Roxas always started swinging fists.

As soon as Roxas raised a fist, Namine tackled him to the ground and I tackled Axel (because Namine was small, and Axel was heavier than he looked) into the wall and pulled him by the hair out of the apartment, avoiding his flailing limbs and ignoring the feral snarls that erupted from his throat.

Axel and Roxas had three types of fights; the bickering of an old couple, ending in sex; the I hate you, you ass, which resulted in a three-day silent treatment, and then sex; and the full-out fight, which ended either in black eyes and broken bones, or someone separating them for a week and then slowly integrating them back into their lives step by step.

This was, unfortunately, the third type, or as those of us who hung around the couple called it; Phase three: attack and isolate.

* * *

><p>Phase three often resulted in Axel crying on my bed for three hours straight, completely inconsolable.<p>

This state of being for Axel was both heart-breaking and hilarious, as he would occasionally attempt to seek comfort from either Vanitus or my father, both of whom hated him.

Currently, he was wrapped around Vanitas, sobbing into the grossed out and frightened man's shoulder as Vanitas stood in the doorway of my bedroom, wondering if he could borrow a video game and also be rid of the strange sobbing growth that afflicted him suddenly.

* * *

><p>"Never fall in love, Xion," Axel said, glancing over at me. "All it does is open up any wounds you have ever had for infection."<p>

I stared blankly at him, eliciting a 'harrumph" from the lanky redhead as he rolled over.

"I wish he would open up," he muttered. "He makes me tell him every little thing, but never tells me anything."

"That's because he's under the notion that his manhood will be jeopardized if he expresses his concerns aloud."

"You know what's wrong with him, don't you?"

"I'm not allowed to tell you."

"I won't tell him you did."

"I don't trust you."

"Well, that's your problem. Now tell me-_what's wrong with him?_"

"He thinks we slept together."

Axel blinked. "So..? I sleep with you all the time."

"No, I mean, he thinks we fucked. I remember nothing of it, though."

"Did you guys, ah, drink a bit too much?"

"Would you be angrier at us for getting wasted without you, or for being completely sober the entire time?"

Axel narrowed his eyes. "What happened, Xion? Like, not what Roxas said happened."

"Um, we went through your movie stash," I said, testing his response. "And then Roxas forced me to watch Bruno _and_ Twilight with him, so I hid in the corner and died a little, and then he kissed me, and I don't remember anything until I woke up and he was flipping out trying to pull his hair out."

Axel blinked. "Oh. Well, that's not so bad- I mean, even if you guys did fuck, it's not really a big deal," he said, frowning. "I mean, it's not like you'd ever return any sort of affection towards him, so it doesn't really threaten me at all."

"I told him you wouldn't give two shits," I said, rolling my eyes.

"It's you, so I'm not really concerned. I mean, hell- he wouldn't get pissed off if we fucked."

"He probably would, actually."

"Oh, right..."

I patted him on the head and got up off the futon, pounding the side of my fist into the power button of the TV. "Harry Potter marathon," I explained, tossing the remote at him. "I'll go make popcorn."

* * *

><p>"Come on, Firecrotch. Go take a shower and put some pants on," I said, poking and prodding the creep in my bed. "It's time for you and Roxas to be within five yards of each other."<p>

Axel's face lit up. "Really?"

I nodded, and shoved him off my futon. Axel rolled off the side and stood up, stumbling off into the bathroom for a much-needed shower.

* * *

><p>An hour later found us at a Chinese-all-you-can-eat buffet, sitting awkwardly across from Namine and Roxas, eating poorly prepared Chinese food.<p>

"So...how are you two?" I asked, grinning weakly.

Namine smiled up at me. "We're good, Xion, thank you for asking. How are you two?"

"Axel finally stopped crying on Vani and my dad, so I guess we're good."

Axel shoved me out of the booth.

"Yep, we're all good," I said, grinning as I slipped back into the seat. "So, Roxas, what did those noodles do to you?" I winced as the blond stabbed at his ambiguous noodle dish with a vengeance.

Roxas glowered up at me, snarling.

"Um...okay. Nami, did you get him tested for Rabies?"

"He's fine, they upped his T dosage a couple weeks back."

"Oh. So he's just got T-rage and is taking it out on his food and acting like a feral cat. Okay. Typical Roxas stuff."

Roxas flung a noodle at me.

I dare say this means war.

I launched myself across the table (meaning I sat on my knees and leaned over it) and pinched his cheeks, roughly pulling on them, which earned me nails in my forearms and a hissing noise.

"Um...can you two please leave?"

I blinked, releasing the blond's cheeks and staring at Namine.

"Xion, Roxas- if you can't behave like civil adults, please leave until you can."

I shrugged. "Okay. C'mon, Rox, let's go get ice cream."

"Ah-wait-" Axel said, frowning.

"Don't worry, Axel, I'm just going to get him a sea-salt ice cream and bring him back."

Axel frowned and nodded, staring down at his plate and stirring the food around.

* * *

><p>"I'm sorry for the noodle fling."<p>

"I'm sorry for the cheek pinching."

"More like cheek ripping," Roxas said, rubbing his face.

"Well, it worked, didn't it?"

"I guess so," he said, grinning. He looked down at his ice cream. "Xion, I've been thinking a lot, and... I don't think I should be with Axel any more."

"Why not?"

"Because... maybe we aren't meant to be together, if all we ever do when we're together is fight..."

"But you love him."

Roxas frowned. "Maybe I don't," he said, glancing up at me. "Maybe all this time I was just confusing my contempt for him for love."

"I don't think the two are that easily confused... especially not for so long."

"I blamed him for my parent's divorce, you know- and every-time Namine cried, I would beat the crap out of him... and he just took it... maybe I'm not meant to be with anyone. Maybe I'm just a selfish, abusive, and unlovable piece of dirt."

"So what? You've always gotten in fights. Some people fight a lot. That doesn't make you unlovable- I mean, obviously Axel loves the shit out of you,- and you're not small enough to be a piece of dirt."

"I might as well be."

"No, Roxas. You're not-hmphg," I doubled back as his mouth was suddenly on mine and swung my fist at him, hitting him in the cheek. "What the fuck, dude? I am trying to have a goddamn conversation with you, my girlfriends' _brother_, not get my mouth fucking molested by yours!"

Roxas rubbed his cheek and looked up at me, wide eyed.

"God, Roxas- you have a boyfriend, don't fucking do shit like this-_he _loves you_. I _don't_._"

"I set Axel and Namine up way back," he said. "And then I stole him from her."

"I don't give a shit, Roxas, I'm not gay."

Roxas wiped at his face rapidly. "I'm sorry. I'm a horrible, horrible, stupid person."

"Roxas, pull yourself together. You're being unreasonable- stop crying, and go make up with Axel, because you two are both complete messes without each other, and get whatever_ this _is out of your system."

"Xion...don't...don't tell them, okay?"

"I'm sorry, Roxas, but it's for the best, really," I said, sighing. "Now, c'mon. Let's go tell them what your problem _actually_ is."

* * *

><p>"So that's what this entire thing lately has been about," I finished, sitting back in my seat.<p>

"Oh. You didn't tell me that, Roxas," Namine said, blinking.

"I...didn't want to...fuck up what you and Xion have anymore than I already had..."

Namine shrugged. "It was... a mistake. And... I knew it would happen. So, really, I'm not horribly concerned."

Roxas stared at her, and then winced before glancing at Axel, who was drumming his fingers on the table, not really listening or caring.

"Oh-sorry, did you say something, Rox?"

Roxas shook his head, looking all the world like a kicked puppy.

Axel smiled. "Then can we _please_ be done with this whole separation thing? 'Cause _damn,_ I haven't gotten any in _forever._"

Namine and I exchanged equal looks of disgust and let the two leave, returning in peace to our now-cold Chinese food.

It's slightly more toxic when it's cold.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: fun fact; this chapter is titled 'Xion 14' on my computer. **

egyptian1995: oh, good. xD Lonely, perhaps, crazy, maybe.  
>Becca was the girl who harassed Xion in high school. She's a couple chapters back, haha.<br>I have this inability to write consistently coherent stories, so... that's probably confusion due to my derp.

**My stomach is twitching. I think it wants food... but I'm not sure. **


	15. Sorry Bunch

"Xion, come here," Namine said, summoning me with her tiny index finger from where I sat on the floor across from her.

I walked over to where she sat on the couch, tilting my head slightly out of confusion as she directed my head down.

"Close your eyes," she instructed.

"Um, okay..?" I said, brows furrowing slightly in confusion as I obeyed.

"Relax your jaw."

"We're not dueling, are we? I haven't got my wand..."

"Oh, you..." she said, giggling and pressing her lips against mine.

And then the door was kicked open, and I flailed and fell over, breaking the kiss.

Axel stood in the door way, biting his bottom lip. "You guys..." he said, gesturing with his hands and biting his bottom lip some more. We stared blankly at the strange man who suddenly ruined our moment. "I'll just... I'll just go, then..." he said, closing the door again before screaming; "Roxy! Our kids are all grown up!" to which we assumed was responded to by the loud thump of Axel dying in the hallway. Either that, or he tried to skip and hit his head on the ceiling. Again.

Damn giant.

* * *

><p>"NO! FUCKING SHEEP, DON'T FALL ASLEEP! GOD DAMN IT!"<p>

"Xion...it's alright. Just start over, sweetie," Namine said, patting my head soothingly.

"I can't do this anymore, Nami. This game is so stressful," I said, burying myself into her stomach, leaving my DS to lay there in it's stupid. "It's raising my blood pressure with every hour-long day."

"Maybe you should take a break," Namine said, smiling. "Why don't you draw something? You still have so much room on your wall." She gestured to my yellow stucco wall, bare except for a weird box thing that held random crap that I dumped there.

I scrunched my nose up. "I don't wanna."

Namine sighed and handed me my sketchbook anyways.

* * *

><p>"A Narwhal fighting a Unicorn? Really, Xion?"<p>

"Yes."

My mom rolled her eyes at the single paper stuck to my wall, before exiting the room and muttering "be ready to go in five minutes."

It was time, once again, for me to get an ear piercing at the mall.

* * *

><p>"Xion, why you no let me pierce ears?"<p>

"Because you smell weird and I don't trust smelly firecrotches."

Axel sniffed himself. "I don't smell weird."

I stared at him.

"This is your shirt," he said, grinning.

"No it isn't."

"Uh... I'm pretty sure I took it from your dresser while I was at your house for two weeks."

"It's not mine."

Axel frowned.

"I don't wear shirts."

"You're wearing one right-"

"That's not a shirt."

"Then what is it?"

"My skin."

Axel's brow furrowed.

"It's a really good tattoo."

"Xion."

"I'm serious."

_"Xion."_

"Honest, Axel."

Axel darted towards me, tearing off the cloth that was, in fact, a shirt.

"You just ripped off so much of my skin."

Roxas and Namine walked into the room, Roxas spewing out whatever substance he had been drinking in shock.

"Uh..."

"Xion, I realize you enjoy being shirtless, and as much as I prefer you that way, don't let Axel tear off your clothes when we aren't in the room, please," Namine said, smiling that smile I knew a little too well, the same smile that Larxene gave when she was plotting some horrible fate for you.

"If you keep smiling like that, I'm going to need an adult," I said.

"Ew, heterosexuals," Axel said, mock gagging.

"Axel, you can't say that with those hips," Roxas said, raising an eyebrow.

"They aren't _that_ girly," Axel said.

"Are you kidding me? Your hips are _huge_ dude! You could have like, ten kids with those hips, bro!" I said, poking at the hip bones that jutted out of his body.

"Could not!"

"I hate to say it, but Xion's totally right," Roxas said.

"Shut up, guys! Nami, defend me!"

Namine glanced over at him from where she was now standing by the tv, watching the news. "You're on your own, Axel. I can't help you. Apparently I can't even smile without violating my boyfriend, after all."

"It was the scary 'I'm plotting your demise by pointy objects' smile!"

"More like the 'I'm going to fuck you into the mattress' smile," Axel said, rolling his eyes as he grabbed my entire face in one hand and shoved it back so he could saunter over to the blonde girl and wrap his arms around her shoulders, rubbing his face affectionately against her hair, similar to a cat rubbing it's scent onto something.

"Axel, please refrain from depositing your stink onto me," she said, not bothering to shove him off.

"What the hell, I don't stink!" He said, throwing his hands up in the air.

And then we all passed out from the wave of green Axel stink.

Not really.

"Axel, put your arms down, for gods' sake," Roxas said, pinching his nose. "You smell like something died."

"I don't even! What the hell, dude?"

"You know, earlier I was telling him he stunk," I said, stroking my not-completely-invisible beard. "And then he suddenly stopped stinking... but now he stinks again..."

"I didn't really notice it until Namine said anything," Roxas said, shrugging. "Maybe it's just how his sweat smells, and I'm just used to it..."

"But then you'd _still_ be used to it," I pointed out. "But you agreed that he stunk, too."

"Huh. Weird."

Axel sniffed himself again. "I'm tellin' you, it's not me!"

"Hey, guys, has the air been running this whole time?"

"Um, it runs like every ten minutes," Axel said.

I glanced at the vent above Axel's head. "You think..."

"Aw, nasty- don't put CSI crap in my head, Xion," Axel said. "C'mon, guys, let's go talk to the Landlord people..."

We all heaved a large sigh, because _no one_ liked the office people.

* * *

><p>The office people in this case consisted of Seifer Almasy and his anti-social receptionist Fuu, who I swore to god <em>had<em> to be related to Zexion somehow.

"Hello, Chickenwuss," Seifer said, before shooting an icy glare at Axel. "_Flamer."_

Axel rolled his eyes and sauntered over to the desk in his 'look how my hips sway as I walk, aren't I simply _gorgeous_' way, and slamming a fist down on the desk. "Listen, Almasy, my apartment smells like something died. Fix it, or I'm calling the health department."

Seifer rolled his eyes. "I'll send Rai up to check it out. Don't be a pest, Flamer."

Axel scoffed. "C'mon, Rox, let's go before his arrogance and stupidity rubs off on us."

Roxas sighed, shaking his head, and followed the redhead out of the office while Namine and I awkwardly followed.

"Why can't you two just get along? God, you're worse than Nami's dad and Cloud," Roxas said, smacking Axel upside the head. "This has been going on for _years,_ already."

"Well maybe if he didn't undress you with his eyes everytime he saw you I wouldn't hate him so much," Axel muttered, rubbing his spiked head.

"He does not undress me with his eyes, Axel. God, we were over in _middle_ school."

"In Axel's defence, he did kind of do a weird eye manoeuvre when you walked in," I said, preparing for assault via Roxas' palm against the back of my head.

"Shut up, Xion, no one asked you," Roxas said, sticking his tongue out at me.

* * *

><p><em> "So... turns out that dead animal smell we were smelling? Yeah, that was the guy upstairs."<em>

"Gross," I said, scrunching my nose.

_"Apparently the guy drank a gallon of bleach."_

"I don't really need to know that, Roxas. You can shut up now."

_"Oh, sorry-anyways, what are you doing?"_

"Well, I _was_ eating the face of thy sister, but then you had to go and be a total cock block and call me about some dead guy who drank bleach."

_"Oh. Well, anyways- have you met Namine's new roommate?"_

"Uh, no."

_"He reminds me of you."_

"Uh..."

_"I don't know why, he just kinda does. I think it's the hair..."_

"That's wonderful, Roxas, but I really don't care right now."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: The title of this chapter doesn't really fit whatsoever. I tried really hard not to title it 'the first orgasm.'**

egyptian1995: haha yep that kid. XD  
>The toxic cold chinese food...gets me every time D:<br>/obviously/  
>Plot? What is this 'plot' you speak of? -handflap-<p>

Rikuobsession: simmer down, there, tadpole. ._.  
>lol. And Xion totally would, too.<br>Sometimes when she talks I find myself forgetting why I was even in my room at all and then I end up dying because the cutscene ends...  
>Aw, how come no one ever hugs me, then? D:<br>.  
>ffffffffffffff- why is everyone exploding today? First my Lupin-bro, now you... XD<br>lolsodoesthatmeanIshouldn'tfinishanyofmystories? /shot.  
>I accept all bullets aimed my way.<br>Silly Roxas, Xions are for Namines! :D

...

**So this cat keeps stabbing me in the thigh with her claws and so I make weird noises because I'm weird, and then my brother came out of his room and gave me this weird look and then went back into his room.  
>I think I scared him.<br>**


	16. Sing

**A/N:**** oh hey guys, have a last chapter. I just got done with high school on friday. Yay, me! **  
>anywho, here's that chapter, filled with my wtfish ending style:<p>

* * *

><p>"Who are you?"<p>

I jumped, pressing myself against the door as it closed and stared into darkness. "Um... I come in peace!"

A scoff, and the clanking of metal sounded as whoever had spoken got up and suddenly there was light.

"Are you god?"

The man next to the lamp stared at me before sitting back on the small black chair behind him, where I presume he had been sitting before.

"Um... I'm Xion," I said.

"Vincent."

"Vinnie."

He shot me a glare. _"Vincent._"

"Vinnie."

"Xion, don't terrorize my room mate," Namine said, walking out of her room. "I _just_ convinced him to stay."

"Did you have to bribe him?"

"Yes."

"Oh." I blinked, looking around. "Why?"

"Yuffie is his cousin."

I glanced at the man in the chair. "I can see it." _They both strike fear into my innocent soul._

Vincent glared up at us. Unable to resist a challenge, I puffed out my chest.

"You wanna go?"

"Namine, I was not aware you were dating a bird."

"Who are you calling a bird? I'll have you know that I am one hundred and twenty-three percent Nobody!"

Vincent merely stared at me until I left the apartment with Namine.

* * *

><p>"I can't believe it."<p>

I glanced up at Axel warily. "What can't you believe?"

"How did I _know_ you _before_ Larxene? I mean- what in the-"

My brow furrowed. "How did you know me before Larxene?"

"You climbed out of the window one time when I was getting chewed out by Xaldin," Axel said, scratching his head. "You don't remember?"

I stared at him blankly. "I don't remember what happened _yesterday,_ let alone years ago."

Axel narrowed his eyes. "Good point. Well, Rox is calling, so," he wiggled his (almost non-existent) eyebrows at me through the webcam.

"You are disgusting. Go play with your butt-buddy."

Axel shot me a weird look. "What are you _talking_ about, Xion? We're going to get food. God, you perv."

I rolled my eyes and disconnected.

* * *

><p>Namine rolled onto her back, sighing. "I don't know what to draw," she said.<p>

"Magic," I said, as I crawled over her, pressing my lips to hers.

She smiled into the kiss and laughed lightly, a small, musical noise. "You're so silly, Xion," she said, nuzzling me. "I love you," she said, then, looking me in the eye.

"I, um," I stammered, scanning her face. This was a test, wasn't it? Just like the ones Larxene used to give me. A test. I kissed her, with a little more passion than before. She responded eagerly, pulling me down into the kiss before breaking off for breath, smiling softly.

"You don't have to say it back," Namine said. "It's not.. a test. You're one of those people who can express things without saying them. I'm... not."

"You express things without saying them all the time," I said, brow furrowing slightly.

"I don't mean in terms of art- I mean with your face, and eyes, and body language."

"You aren't that difficult to read," I said.

"I feel like if I don't say things, then things go unknown. I don't like that."

* * *

><p>"Oh my god, Vanitas?"<p>

I blanched as I whipped around to look at the obnoxious teenager who approached. "Hello, Selphie," I said, trying to hide my cringe.

"I didn't know you worked here! Oh my god, that is like, so funny," she said, giggling. "I was totally just wondering what happened to you."

I hate summer.

"Oh, uh, I'm just here, you know..."

"Obviously. Well, what's been up? Did you change your hair? It's _so _long, now," she said, grabbing my hair.

"Uh, listen, Selphie, you uh, I'm not, uh, Vanitas."

Selphie retracted her hand. "What?"

"I'm Vanitas' _brother,_" I said, slowly.

Selphie stared at me. "Oh. You look just like your brother," she said. "Um... anyways, this is awkward..."

Selphie vaguely knew my brother. And by that, I mean that they had a couple classes together and were otherwise completely unrelated. I knew her because she was Kairi's best friend, who came to visit once around thanksgiving whilst I was being savagely attacked by Yuffie.

I missed Kairi. Yuffie... not so much.

* * *

><p>There was a rift that had slowly and steadily been chipping away at Namine and I's relationship. We both knew it-<em>anyone <em>could see it. It wasn't because we fought, and it wasn't because there was no attraction between us.

But sometimes, when you love someone, you start to realize how unfit for each other you really are. And maybe we were beginning to realize that what we had would never be able to last, so we'd simply...stopped trying. It was sad, and it was frustrating, but we all knew.

We all knew that what had transpired between each other had come to an end. It was apparent to even Demyx, that Namine and I were falling away from each other, and try as we might to patch our relationship back together, it was futile. No amount of love or lust could ever bring us back to where we once were.

And that made me feel like shit.

As we finally ended it, and dated saw other people, I realized that I would never actually be over her. Larxene still haunted my dreams and flooded through my veins. It had been years since her death now, and even though I was twenty-three now, Larxene still affected me from beyond the grave.

And I think that I had been trying so hard to lose myself in other people that I had been oblivious to the fact that all along, I had been lost to a dead girl that I never even loved.

On August 24th, 2017, I attempted suicide for a third time. I was found by a man named Riku Montgomery, who pulled me out of the river and preformed CPR on me, bringing me back to life while his lover called for an ambulance.

* * *

><p>"You're... where am I?"<p>

"You're in my guest room bed, where you've been for three days since I fished your scrawny ass out of the river," sea-green eyes and a stern voice said.

"I'm still in Michigan?"

"Yes."

"Can I... call my mom?"

He pulled a silver blackberry phone out of his black jeans' pocket and tossed it to me.

I dialled Tifa's cell phone number.

_ "Sorry, the number you've reached does not exist. Please try again."_

"Oh." I said, pressing end and staring at the phone. "My mother doesn't exist apparently."

Riku blinked. "Strange... maybe she changed her number?"

"I don't think so," I said, shaking my head. "She would have told me...can I call someone else?"

"Go for it," Riku said, shrugging.

I dialled Roxas' and Axel's numbers, getting the same result. "Oh my god. What the shit," I said, angrily wiping at my face as a few frustrated tears escaped. "It's like my entire life has been some sort of cruel joke and I never actually existed."

"Hey, now, don't cry-gah, I'm no good with people's emotions- ROXAS, IT'S CRYING, WHAT DO I DO?"

"They're not an it, you inconsiderate prat!" Came an all too familiar voice.

And in walked the brooding blond that I had come to know and love over the years.

"R—roxas?" I said, scrambling to cling to the blond. "Oh my god, you're... you're alive and not some figment of my imagination installed into my head by the government, thank god."

"Um... do I know you?" Roxas asked, despite allowing my to cling to him.

"Roxas, c'mon, it's me, Xion- you know, your transbuddy?"

"Um, I'm sorry, but the Xion I know is a chick, and I don't know what you're talking about."

"W-what? What the fuck? Did I like, die and wake up in some fucked up alternate reality? What is this?"

Riku and Roxas exchanged looks. "Call Sora, ask him to take a few hours off work- I think this kid is out of our expertise... I mean, what can an English teacher and a Stripper do?"

I blinked. "What?"

"Roxas is a stripper, and I'm a high school English Teacher."

"No- Roxas is a vet tech..."

"No, I'm pretty sure I'm _not._"

I frowned. "Why am I even alive right now? Fuck this world and it's bullshit, I'm going to sleep and hope this world isn't fucked up when I wake up."

Roxas and Riku shrugged and let me be.

* * *

><p>"So, Xion, how old are you?"<p>

"Twenty three. Do you know a Zexion?"

"He's Roxas' step-brother's husband, yes. What's your mother's maiden name?"

"Lockheart. I'm transsexual, and Zexion used to be my psychiatrist."

"Where did you used to live?"

"Michigan, in a house that looked like a log cabin. Except red."

Sora froze. "Are you...sure?"

I nodded.

Sora took a deep breath. "Okay... let's go for a walk, then."

I blinked, but followed the brunet boy as he led me outside and turned around.

And before me, where I'd just exited, was my house. "Oh."

"We've been living here for almost three years now," Sora said, smiling.

I glanced around. "I think I'm crazy or something because this is definitely the house I lived in since I was ten," I said.

Sora smiled. "Xion, you were born female, right?"

"Well...sure."

"And in your world, Larxene died, right?"

"Yes? Where are you going with this?"

"Well, here, she's still around."

"Okay?"

"She moved here when she was sixteen- That was about seven years ago."

"Are you saying that she's the same person?"

"Our Xion recently went missing."

"I don't think I follow."

Sora smiled, glancing to where his lover, Riku, was currently wrestling with other-Roxas in the living room. "One time, me and Riku had this dream that the other died. Actually, all my friends had the same dream- anyways, in it, for a small speck of time, we were subjected to an alternate world. I never- I never told Riku this, but in that small span of time, I was here. And that's why when we moved from Utah and I finished my schooling, I made him move in here."

"Okay?"

"For a while, I think, maybe I was you."

"No," I said, shaking my head. "I was never Sora, nor brunette, I've always been Xion."

"I know. But for a while-a very short while, I was Xion, too."

"You... you were the ghost- when I was... oh my god I fucking hate you," I said, scowling. "If what you're saying is actually true, then that time when I was... oh my god. You're the asshole who saved me _last_ time I tried to kill myself!"

"When you were seventeen."

"You're the one who—- god, I could have died if it wasn't for you, you stupid..."

"Aren't you glad you hadn't?"

"No! I'm _not_ glad, not at all! Because of _you,_ I lived an extra flippin... I hate you."

Sora smiled. "Well, it looks like you're gonna be here with us for a long time, huh?"

"Fuck you, and your shitty alternate universe."

* * *

><p>"Xion?"<p>

"Larxene?"

"Oh my god."

"Oh my god."

"You're like, a dude and stuff," Larxene said, laughing. "That's amazing- take off your pants."

"What- no! We're in Walmart!"

"That sign says nothing about no pants. Now-off with them."

"Larxene!"

Larxene giggled evilly as I took off running, chasing me down and pantsing me.

"Oh my god, I hate you!"

Larxene grinned. "You know, I really missed you," she said. "The other Xion that was here- she just wasn't the same."

"I... guess I really missed you too, since I kind of failed at getting over you for seven years and then killed myself because of it," I said.

Larxene laughed, patting me on the back roughly. "C'mon, Xi-xi, let's go beat up Axel."

I grinned and followed her, because I had my best friend back. We weren't conventional, and we sure as _hell_ weren't mature, but we were happy.

* * *

><p>When I was twenty-five, I got together with the Namine of this world and fell in love. She was different, although for the life of me, I couldn't tell why.<p>

But she was.

* * *

><p>With the aid of Sora, I was able to finally have the 'female' marker on my records changed to male, and married Namine shortly after. At that time, I had managed to make it through some schooling and had been an esthetician for five years now, while Namine was a tattoo artist who was well known in the area for her amazing work.<p>

Later on, we adopted a boy named Zack Fair, who would grow up to fall in love with and marry Larxene's baby (who was given to Sora and Riku), Aerith.

And as cliché as it sounds, I dare-say we lived pretty damn happily ever in this alternate universe.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Annnndddd now I'm stopping. Kay.**

**egyptian1995: THANK YOU FOR KNOWING THAT REFERENCE.  
><strong>

**Rikuobsession: Same as above xD  
>this review was forever ago, omg. and now you have an account and omg.<br>**

**Anon: No, I don't write smut. Sorry D:  
><strong>

**the random anon w/o a name thing: thank you, I'm so glad you enjoyed it! And yeah, the characters are a little weird in this, haha.  
><strong>

****also, if ya'll are interested, I've got the story of Roxas and Axel all typed up on my computer, so if you guys want... I could start uploading that in a new story... if any of you are interested in the weird dynamic that they had going for them in this story. xD


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